a solitary drop

His love is strong.

2012-01-06T11:09:00.000-06:00

Strong enough to take the fighting.

Strong enough to hold the tears.

Strong enough to quiet the nightmares.

Strong enough to handle the rebellion.

He loves you. No matter what you think of Him. He's strong enough to handle your hatred. Your questions. His love is bigger than your rejection. His love remains despite your apathy. His love offers hope where you've lost yours. Strength where you're weakest. His arms are gentle, despite your rage. No matter how far you go---His love is inescapable.

You matter.

His goal is not your happiness. His will is not your list, timeframe, resolution or agenda. He may seek to correct your path, your outlook, your entire heart, but He loves you.

No matter what.

No matter what, He loves.

Waiting

2011-10-05T15:30:00.000-05:00

Waiting. Ugh.

Of all the things I've done, I can easily say that waiting is the hardest thing to DO.
When you're given no choice but to WAIT.
You are forced against the mirror and every frailty of your humanity is glaring back at you.
You are a small child begging, pleading & whining. WAAAAAAAAH!
You are miserable in that interim.
But deep within you realize there's a purpose in the waiting.

With every fiber of your being you try to get off of that emotional roller-coaster and settle yourself.

You TRY to be good at waiting.

You busy and distract yourself with anything that will ease the agony of each and every moment.

But each attempt at escaping proves futile.

And that's how it's supposed to be. Yup. I said it. When we're waiting, we're being forced to surrender. COMPLETELY. Whatever it is we're waiting on… that event is out of our control.

We have a lot of control in the little things in life. I can listen to the music I like, I can see who's calling, skip commercials, call ahead for my seat, click a few buttons and have just about anything sent to my door the next day. All of these perks spoil me, and create two obvious problems. First, they give me the illusion that I have control in life. Beyond my attitude and beliefs, I truly have very, very little control over A-NY-TH-I-NG. Secondly, they also place a huge emphasis on the importance of comfort. Waiting is not comfortable. Waiting in pain is even more unbearable. But does that mean that waiting is only torture? Nope.

The way we can be ministered to in our misery is incredible. There are things God wants to show us, through people, through songs, words, in His word, and we are so open and willing to receive them with open eyes and ears when we are WAITING. We may experience emotions so powerful we never thought our hearts could hold them, or we may hear a quiet word we're never meant to share. The beauty of waiting is in the way we are hanging on every word, holding our breath, the way that time stands still, and what can be found in those eternal moments.

I'm grateful for how miserable I felt waiting most recently. Had it not been so hard, the journey through it all would not remain vivd. Walking away from those months of desperation, I've missed how dependent I was forced to be. Complete reliance on God's strength is the only reason I slept most nights during that time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not signing up to wait on any major life event. But I do want my essence to live in waiting on God. I want my soul to rest and wait upon Him, remembering that every breath is from Him. I hope that you realize that your period of waiting has a purpose outside of your limited perspective. Somewhere down the line, you'll be able to say, "It wasn't all for nothing!"

I'll leave with a scripture. I was going to only leave Psalm 130, but 131 is one of my favorite songs by Waterdeep and I like how they flow together. And let's not forget these are songs of ascent---You're going UP!
(Italics mine)

Psalm 130
A song of ascents.
1 Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;
2 Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.
3 If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
5 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.6 I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
7 Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

Psalm 131
A song of ascents. Of David.
1 My heart is not proud, Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
2 But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.
3 Israel, put your hope in the Lord
both now and forevermore.

Enjoy (the wait).

Perfectly Orchestrated.

2011-07-22T12:46:00.000-05:00

Today is Friday July 22, 2011. (I'm sorry this is so long. And I haven't yet proofed/polished any of it). But I'm going to publish because I need to share!

Just over four months ago, on March 15, 2011, we were told that Jon's current department would be consolidated and, unless he wanted for apply for his position in Omaha, NE, his last day with the company would be July 1, 2011. Whoa! There really aren't words to describe the amount of shock I felt that day. There were a gazillion reasons it "shouldn't" have happened. The previous year or two Jon had applied for jobs within the company that, if he had gotten them, would not have resulted in job loss. Many people said they didn't see why he didn't get those jobs then. The company had even said that our Wichita (SOC) department was structured and operating the way they wanted to model ALL other SOCs after. Why would you eliminate the model SOC? And, at the very least wouldn't you make sound efforts to relocate them or utilize them in structuring and training other SOCs around the country? Regardless of what management said, when a company offers you an automatic $1500 (I wish I was kidding about that number) for you to relocate after you reapply for your current position, they don't really care if you stay with the company or not.

So, the constant prayer about our future really began that morning. By the next day, we knew we weren't supposed to move. I'd been open to it for a few hours, but no part of it made sense. We didn't feel like the Lord was asking us to move. I wasn't willing to uproot our family to move to a job that Jon would dislike far more than the job he was already struggling with day-to-day. The job in Omaha would be a step in the wrong direction, and even a management position would be a commitment to YEARS of headaches and heartaches in the struggle to make all the improvements that would be needed to get that SOC "up to speed." Well, that was easy. But it was also the acknowledgement that we'd rather face unemployment than take that route. Check.

The next huge question was, was Jon supposed to start his own tech business? We spent nearly the entire lent season really struggling with this one. (We found out about the consolidation about a week after lent started). I really felt that we would know the answer by Easter. And sure enough, about the week after Easter we had a great talk and had enough reasons to set this aside. The big one, we had too much debt to try to walk away from his current job and expect to start turning a profit almost immediately. Or, more accurately, to start turning enough of a profit to feed a family of four on! Another reality was that we could not start a legitimate business and collect unemployment at the same time. (Some East-coast states, I learned doing some research, do have this option). Ultimately, it just wasn't right.

So, what were we left with? We were left, at least in my mind, two "options" remained. The first, and the more likely, was that Jon would go after an CMTS engineering position with his current employer. He'd applied for this job about two years ago. And honestly, it was a strange set of circumstances that he didn't get it then. We're not bragging when we say he really was the BEST candidate for the job---then and now. He'd wanted the CMTS even more over the past two years and had made it known that's the direction he was headed. Almost immediately after the restructuring announcement was made, he contacted the new manager over those engineers and introduced himself. He shared that he was really interested in becoming a CMTS engineer and asked if there was anything more that he could do to make him the best candidate. During the same conversation, she mentioned that she was aware of a complex problem Jon had identified and resolved quickly. The problem, she'd said, was solved FASTER than she had seen in all her years of working there---kudos Jon!

The other option was looking for another employer. Honestly, I didn't think it would be possible to find a "gig" as good as what we'd had for the last nine years. But, the perk, was that we would walk away with two weeks of paid vacation (half of the four he would have been granted for the year) AND FOURTEEN weeks for severance. I'd always said it would be really *nice* to walk away with the money AND another job lined up. I was pretty doubtful it would actually work out that way, though. I imagined us using the severance to live on while I got a crummy job and we waited for ANYTHING that would pay more than unemployment.

The chronicle that leads us on a journey from what feels like a far away land began long before the black folders were handed out in March. I know that all stories are multi-faceted, so all I can give you are my memories and my account. In a small group sometime between October and December I asked for prayer for Jon's job. I asked for prayer because I'd known for a long time that things needed to change. Additionally, I was very aware of his desire to start his own business. So I asked for prayer for all of it---with the admission that I was way too attached to the security he had with his current employer. I knew that if he was ever going to start his own business--- my trust could not be in those reliable paychecks--- and I was FAR from ready to take any kind of financial risk.

Recently, I was reading through my current journal and I came across a fascinating prayer I wrote in January. I prayed for Jon's job. More specifically I prayed for a MIRACLE. I even said something about the possibility of going to a different company. I asked that God would bless Jon for his diligence was more specific than I normally am (I'd quote, but I don’t have that notebook with me). Another fun detail is our church's fund raising tactics. Early in the year our pastor began our second "Faith Promise" event. We currently meet in a middle school and our youth group needed funds to go to Mexico---so we knew from the start where the money we gave to faith promise would be going. Unlike a pledge drive--- faith promise is unique in that, we're simply told to pray about how much we feel God wants to give through us. Pray about how we can give and know that it is above and beyond our tithe. If we feel that we are supposed to fast a meal or a drink and give that money, if we feel we are suppose to not make sacrifices but simply give money that we attain unexpectedly or earn through a garage sale or overtime---whatever, the deal is you decide the amount and you can even tack on exactly which avenues you will or won't be giving from. This is a lot of info, I'm sorry---but you have to know that Jon came to me with a HUGE number for faith promise. HUGE. The amount was FIVE TIMES the amount I was comfortable with. Don't get me wrong, I'll admit that I'm pretty safe and guarded, so my number really wasn't that great. But, I also knew that we were struggling and needing to pay off debt. I knew Jon's number was going to be bigger than mine, but I didn't expect him to say anything THAT big. I prayed and tried not to freak out. After all---it's a FAITH promise. I knew we weren't going to get nasty letters in the mail if God didn't provide the money, it was on Him---not us!

But, let me also say that Jon and I were going through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University at the time, so eliminating debt was in the forefront. We'd determined we were not going to use our tax return for faith promise. But then, our tax return was FAR larger than we had ever imagined---and combining it with the bonus he'd gotten from work---it was almost exactly the Faith Promise amount. What!?!? We did give a small chunk of it to Faith Promise, but used the rest to pay down debt. I gave a testimony in church and said that we were reminded that if God can do it once, He can do it again. But inside, I was scared---scared that I was lying to myself. That even though we had both agreed the tax return was for debt (before we had any idea how far we had overpaid!) and we still had a few other avenues we wanted to use for faith promise. I was scared that we weren't trusting that God would provide to pay off our debt. But it resounded… if God can provide that amount once, He can do it again.Facing the possibility of walking into unemployment--- the thought of how we would make our Faith Promise amount pretty much vanished sometime in those first few weeks.

So… let's jump to June. At the start of June, not one, but TWO CMTS jobs opened up (both CMTS, but emphasizing in two distinct areas---this will matter later). TWO! It was set up so one was for Omaha and the other for Wichita, but the hiring manager didn't HAVE to stick to those parameters. How could she not pick from the pool of talent all losing their jobs in Wichita? Jon had stellar internal references and was friends with the 3 CMTS engineers all saying they were talking him up. The interview went great! I'm not being arrogant, but we couldn't foresee any reason he wouldn't be one of the next CMTS engineers.

That same afternoon of the CMTS interview, Jon had a phone interview with a different company. We were intrigued by this other company---who prides itself in being near the top of the Best Companies to Work for according to Fortune Magazine . We know a few people at the company who seem happy there. But leaving a company where you are safe and content, where you've been for almost ten years (having just earned that 4th week of vacation!) it's hard to just walk away. On the phone, Jon was very tempted to tell this polite gentleman he wasn't interested but he stuck with it and tried, to at least, give a mediocre attempt at it. By the end of the phone interview Jon had set up a panel interview the following week. We agreed that once we knew that Jon had the CMTS job, he would call and cancel the interview. (If he was offered ANY job with the company---he automatically forfeited any severance, regardless of whether or not he accepted the offer).

The call came. He called and said he was done with the company. I cried. He didn't get the job emphasizing in the area he actually wanted. Again. (One coworker genuinely thought Jon was joking when he told him he didn't get the offer). We had about 3.5 weeks left until his last day. The coworker that got one of the positions, was offered the job in the area he didn't have experience in (and is currently looking for other employment).

The only details worthy of sharing over those next few weeks are the waiting and waiting and then ultimately---phone call he received on JUNE 30, 2011!!! ONE day before his last day he knew where he was headed. He walked out with a smile.

We've had a three week vacation. For the first time, I genuinely feel like being debt-free is a legitimate goal in the near future. Faith Promise is WAAAY close to being paid off. Our benefits are substantially better---which blesses me far more than I anticipated. The pay is essentially the same. The company's website is right on target with our own ideas (I realize a website could be a FAR cry from the workplace environment---but in comparison to his former employer's website, it's already better). The management is already significantly better to interact with. I'm tempted to write *sigh* between every sentence in this paragraph! The job in itself is a blessing and the journey to it has been a miracle.

A perfectly orchestrated miracle. So many things could or should have been different, but God had a plan. Over the last few months I've been reminded over and over and over... something I wrote on here a while back---I don't have time to link it (sorry!) That when it comes to trusting in God's plan and will for my life, THERE's NO safety net. We don't need one.

I'll leave you with one last thing that speaks perfectly to what has transpired. (I found it in an old journal 2007ish). I can't tell you if I wrote it or if it's a quote I didn't cite, and that's the honest truth :-) ((There is a subject-verb agreement change---which leads me to think it's probably mine, that and yeah, I'll leave it at that))

The intricate details of history have not been random. The circumstances of your life may continually feel chaotic--

As we submit our entire will into the great and mighty hands of our God--we can trust that nothing is an accident. Every encounter , circumstance, trial and blessing are avenues to experience God, His character, love and vision for your future.

We serve a God who's vision is never fuzzy--nothing is ever big enough to obstruct His view of you or His plans to help, love guide and teach you.

Enjoy. (and God bless you!)

Worship and Sacrifice.

2011-06-08T16:05:00.001-05:00

True, authentic worship. It's not about doing what makes me feel good. Although I love to sing praises and often feel God's love being poured over me when I worship, that's not what it's about.

One day as I stood singing in church I thought about how much I would just love, love, LOVE to just sing and pray and worship God all day, every day---and how awesome it will be in heaven to do that. But then I stopped. Because then I heard how selfish that was and how, at least part of the reason I would love to do nothing more than stand in worship is because I like how worship makes ME feel.

Ouch.

Don't get me wrong, we have been made to love and worship God, and we should feel His peace and warmth and joy when we worship. What about the times when the songs aren't ones I like or something else is distracting me during this hour of musical praise?
And what about sacrifice? We don't take our prized possessions(animals) to the priest to have them properly sacrificed anymore---we recognize that Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice--He paid the price of our sins so now we are free to go to the Father through Him. BUT---does that mean we are "off the hook?" Is that really IT? We just go about living our lives and get "warm fuzzies" from Jesus when we need it?

No.

Authentic worship means surrender.

Stop and think about what "real sacrifice" and "genuine surrender" mean---in your life. As in, today.

We submit our will. Our plans. It means we get and we live in a way that shows we will never forget that our life is NOT our own. And to our carnal, selfish minds that can be scary because it means that nothing is off limits.

Nothing.

Not our relationships, not the movies we watch, the music we listen to, the gossip we share, the lies we tell (ourselves), the judgments we pass, the food we eat, or the habitual sin(s) we ignore because it's/they are "no big deal." Our thought lives, our careers, the way we spend our time and money, our plans, hopes, dreams… those aren't our own either.

My Life---is not my own.

You were bought for a price. So bring glory to God in the way you use your body. 1 Corinthians 6:20

And apparently, I needed more confirmation and wisdom because I read this yesterday, "When you know a thing, and do it, immediately you know more. Revise where you have become stodgy spiritually, and you will find it goes back to a point where there was something you knew you should do, but you did not do it because there seemed no immediate call to, and now you have no perception, no discernment; at a time of crisis you are spiritually distracted instead of spiritually self-possessed. It is a dangerous thing to refuse to go on knowing. The counterfeit of obedience is a state of mind in which you work up occasion to sacrifice yourself; ardor is mistaken for discernment." -Oswald Chambers (emphasis mine)

I cannot read the passage above without being reminded of 1 Thessalonians 5 :19---"Do not quench the Spirit."

So what then? What are you still holding on to? Until you're putting it all out there… you're missing out! I want to be used by God and to live in such a way that shows I want nothing more than to be COMPLETELY open to and transformed by Him. I don't want to hold anything back because I don't want Him to keep any of His goodness from me.

I've got stuff He wants me to let go of, and it feels really good to really let Him work and lead the way in molding my heart and life. What are you holding on to? Where have you told God He's off limits? Where is your faith shaky, your trust lacking? There are seasons in life where we come to realize that pruning needs to be done, and my prayer is that we are willing to be immediately obedient in letting Him work wherever He chooses.

And that, is true worship.

Enjoy.

2011

2011-01-07T12:22:00.000-06:00

I know it's so cliché to talk about new year's resolutions and growth and renewal. But really, that's pretty important this time of year. In years past, it really hasn't been something I've dwelt on--other than making a few lame, lacking resolutions I'd forgotten about the fourth day of the year (okay, the third). But this year, I've been blessed with a lot more time of solitude. (Thanks to the DH for working about 30 extra hours last week!) I've had time to ask: when most of the decorations have been put away and the excitement/exhaustion of Christmas has faded away, what are we to focus on?

I don't care if you resolved to be more organized or to floss your teeth everyday. It doesn't matter to me if you check off all your workout appointments or stayed within budget. Do you know what does matter to me? That you have taken the time to really assess where you are at the start of this year. If you haven't already, TODAY, sit and honestly evaluate where you are in your relationships, your health, your financial situation, your organization and time management. Where are you spiritually? Are you spiritually dragging in your walk with Christ? Maybe assessing all of those areas is too much. Just look at your relationship with God and one thing really heavy in your life right now. How are you doing, really?

Something God has been teaching (and re-teaching!) me is that He is the only one that can cause real change in my life. My humanness gets me every. single. time. I can try to muster up some willpower and use the latest gadget or expert strategy to tackle my glaring faults. I can get a little motivated by watching something inspirational on TV. But that won't bring lasting change. It might help for a day, provided nothing stressful happens that day (HAHA!). Rather than pretend I can "keep it all together," why not admit, right up front, that I can do nothing without His strength? Why not ask Him for the help we need?

The start of this year has been an adventure---and has it ONLY been a week!?! I can honestly tell you God has answered more than one of my pleas for help and change and blessing. I don't mean to leave a big, gaping, vague hole here, but I'm not quite ready to share about it here just yet.

My prayer for you this year is my own prayer for 2011. That we'll start each day looking forward. That we'll take a moment to breathe deep, really deep. And rather than focusing on the lists before us, that we'll praise God for the big things He does as well as all the little things we so often take for granted. That we'll stop pretending and be more real with God and with each other than we've EVER been. That we'll ask God, honestly, what He wants…and then listen with open hearts. That we'll learn to love in practical ways. That we'll grab onto what He has for us and not let go (or compare it to what He has for the person beside us)!

My heart has been bursting with things to write about this week. And this is not one of them! This is not the easiest post to hit "publish" on, either. It's not neatly organized or well-thought out. But, it's where I am, through and through. Today, let's be where we are and seek Him to lead us right where He wants us to be, despite the awkward or pain we might feel in taking those first steps.

My verses for 2011:

Jeremiah 29:4-20

Proverbs 3:5-12

(The MSG really strikes me in a new way--I encourage you to compare different versions!)

(A side note---I'm not the biggest fan of Jeremiah 29:11, although it's true and I claim it.

Read this to discover why I went back to read & fall in love with the WHOLE+ chapter again!)

"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else I'll make sure you won't be disappointed" (Jeremiah 29:12-14 MSG)

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

don't try to figure everything out on your own.

Listen to God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

He's the one who will keep you on track.

Don't assume you know it all.

Run to God! Run from evil!

Your body will glow with health,

your very bones will vibrate with life!"

(Proverbs 3:5-8 MSG)

2010-12-12T11:37:00.001-06:00

Only in community is a Holy life REAL. ( see Proverbs 18:1)

Heart Ramblings on the 2010 "Holiday Season"

2010-12-02T22:19:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I sat down to write and realized I was about to enter the holiday season. All I could muster up was an emphatic "UGH!" It was just a few months earlier I eagerly played Christmas music during the late-summer's heat! How could I be so disenchanted by "the most wonderful time of the year"!?! Instead of dragging my feet into this season... this is what happened.

I decided I need to have a "new" focus for this Christmas, Christ! The gift of life, the ultimate humble, selfless sacrifice of love. And because of this I'm probably not sending out any Christmas cards. I'm probably not planning family photos (I've decided the New Year might be a more appropriate time for that). I'm considering making some candy, but that's not even a sure thing. This year, I'm not just going to do any of those things out of obligation.

I do plan to spend more time in God's word and in prayer. I want to give to others, to those near to me, and those in places not overwhelmed by the excessiveness of Western culture. Where they might worry about a clean house, but they have dirt floors. I want to be abundantly aware of how immensely SPOILED I am.

I think we say frivolously say "oh, we are so 'blessed' to live here or to have all these nice things," but isn't that grossly understated? Somehow we think we need cathdral ceilings and to have our homes or bodies look like those in the magazines we read.

Reality check! We are not just fortunate but we are richly, abundantly, blessed in ways we rarely realize. We live in a country where we are given the opportunity to learn to read, write, work, be paid for that work, experience a huge amount of freedom, justice and privacy. Yet many of us feel entitled to be free of things such as: disease, crabby and stubborn people, consequences for poor choices, back-breaking hard work, accidents, hindrances and a stressful situations. No wonder we experience devastation when life goes differently than we planned---a flood, tornado or hurricane ARE devastating when they destroy the materials we've grown to love and depend on. O how I want to be blessed by the beauty around me---but not be distracted by it!!!

Beyond my comfortable and luxurious life are people hurting and people with needs I know little of. The man sitting across from me might be grieving in a way I cannot comprehend. A child on my street might not know what hope is because of a life of abuse and abandonment. My heart breaks for the pain of an amount of individuals I cannot comprehend and the host of pain they experience. Yet God knows every detail and the extent of every pain, He catches every tear. How BIG is He and His LOVE---that He can handle all that hurt. And He doesn't just cope with it. He grieves with us, He never leaves, and He alone knows and IS the path to healing. He is our hope.

Thank you for tagging along on my heart's tangent. But really, it brings me back to Christmas. He's the only way I can focus on what matters this season. Each person that Christ came to the earth for matters. YOU are the reason He came.

So my hope is to let Him show me how I can love you this season. If I send a card, make or give something, it's going to have my heart in it. If anyone feels His love through something I've done---it's only because of His power and for His glory.

Stay in His peace this season! He's really not about the hustle or bustle... but I know you can find Him there, too! Merry Christmas!

Enjoy.

Reassurance

2010-11-05T21:39:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure why I'm prefacing this blog with an introduction...

A couple of months ago I was listening to Matt Redman's "The Heart of Worship." For many reasons this is one of those songs you can go back to time and time again. But, there's a portion of this song that I have never sung in church before. "You shall not share Your glory with another." What a powerful and true statement. So, I was listening to this song and thinking about attributes of God and this is what I was thinking about and writing:

The narcissism of our culture--of humanity.
My own selfishness. ugh.

And yet He is still in love with me.

He loves me beyond measure.

I'd say "whole-heartedly" but He IS love---so He couldn't possibly love me in any portion.

No matter how we are---He does not let go.
If we are filled with arrogance and pride----He does not let go.
If we are writhing on the floor in shame---He does not let go.
When we are so self-absorbed and insist on doing it our own way and living in our own strength---He doesn't let go.
When we can't bear the pain to open our eyes, when we can't see---He doesn't let go.
When we take the credit for life going well, when we can't stand the noise of life-the chaos and havoc---He does not let go.

He has NOT let go of YOU either.
(Which kind of reminds me of another Matt Redman song!)

When it comes to authentic surrender to the Savior

You aren't grasping for a safety net.

It's not there!

(You. Don't. Need. It.)

Scripture reassures us, "No one who trusts God like this--heart and soul--will ever regret it." It's exactly the same no matter what a person's religious background may be the same God for all of us, acting the same incredibly generous way to everyone who calls out for help. "Everyone who calls, 'Help, God!' gets help." Romans 10:11-13 (MSG)

Enjoy.

let me just say

2010-07-28T14:12:00.000-05:00

I've had some thoughts here lately... that I *think* will make it here. But whenever I take a moment to blog...
POOF!
Those things I was going to say--are gone!

Hope Gleaned. Thoughts on Friendship.

2010-06-10T00:05:00.000-05:00

There's more. But this is all I can muster up.

Life's so F U L L. Full of chaos. Full of change.

Full of garbage. Full of all the things we don't need.

But it's also filled with things we do need.

Filled with peace and love and HOPE.

I have recently had the pleasure of having some very memorable conversations. Some of them were deep, some of them were awesome, and some were just raw life. I wrote a few days ago about my friendships and even since then things have blossomed. And I'm grateful. Some dear friends are going through some very intense times and I've had them on my mind. A LOT. But, I'm not worried about them, I know they will be fine. But they have certainly been heavy on my heart. HEAVY. The beautiful thing? Instead of being ready to run for the hills and pray they don't call me, hoping that they make it out alive without dragging me into their drama, I've been so drawn to them. I want to call them and text them and plan a sleepover just like when we were younger.

I used to think that the friendships you had as a kid would always be close to your heart... After all, during those awkward teen years, who could know you any better? They went through the highs and lows WITH you. Those were the years of my truest friendships. There were no boys to seperate us. No fiance's or husbands, no screaming infants or blabbing children. There were very few bills to pay and meals to cook (chips & salsa is considered a meal, right?). There were the endless hours on the phone and sleepless nights where we contemplated every possibility of the future. There were poems and singing, O glorious singing!

I was as real as I could possibly be during those years and I've carried away a wealth of treasure from them. But despite those blessings, as I began to navigate adulthood, I began to question whether or not that same level of depth could ever develop (or be sustained) later in life. They WERE close to my heart, but could that ever return to present-tense?

Recently, I've concluded that the beauty of childhood friends is not lost with the responsibilites of adulthood. It can be. It can mean that we push each other away. It can mean that we are more worried about the laundry and dishes than connections. It can mean not fully disclosing ourselves, our hopes, our fears. We can choose to stop asking our friends the big (read: heavy) questions. We can choose to hide our biggest failures and frustrations. We can hide behind a myriad of walls (jobs, spouse, media, activities etc.). We can, very easily, make sure we don't have time to invest in each other. We can pretend that things are so different and we are so different.
But we aren't.
And we don't have to.
We don't have to go through the messiness of life alone.

It takes guts to pick up the phone. It's hard to know how to start. Sometimes it's hard to tell someone how anxious, scared, worried, hopeful you are about your marriage, your baby, your finances, your family, your body or your future children. Sometimes we are so used to saying "Oh, I'm fine" and quickly citing the weather or how we lost our contact this morning. But what else?

Oh, I know. I know that it doesn't just come out. It doesn't just happen that you pour your heart out. Your heart has to be full before it begins pouring out. That stuff has to be brewing inside before it's ready. Timing is important and so is the vessel you're pouring it into. You can't just pour it into someone that you're not sure is really concerned. Your "sensitive material" can only be given to someone you know understands how precious it is. Someone that knows you're not nearly as strong or confident as you appear and won't ever throw anything back in your face. Someone that has, somehow genuinely invested her heart in you.

My husband has frequently reminded me of my own loyalties and of the HIGH value I place on relationships. It's true, but I've never seen it so vividly. Relationships are a HUGE vessel of change. They are the vessels of peer pressure and destruction as well as hope and redemption. Those positive relationships are the voices of warning when we are wandering and the encouraging words during our storms. They are so much more than the words in every self-help book or logical answer. They are the words and peace and hope and joy and love of our Savior in flesh. And without them... yes, I would be lost. LOST.

CRUSH

2010-06-02T00:12:00.000-05:00

So, from time to time my dear husband has had a crush on a celebrity. There haven't been a lot, but every year or so he will be pretty eager to watch the newest movie that his "crush" is in. I, however, cannot think of any "crush" I've had on a celebrity lasting any longer than a movie we've watched. Until now.

I <3 Jimmy Fallon. And although he is cute, I have to admit that my crush has more to do with my admiration for his humor. He's funny. FUNNY.

AND...In a couple of weeks Jon's schedule will change and he will no longer be coming home close to midnight. Which means I won't be watching "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" as I wait for him to arrive. The question is, will I start recording it?

If you'd like to see one of my recent favorite JF clips CLICK HERE.

Yes. I know it's ridiculous :)

Laugh & Enjoy!

Friends & Seasons

2010-06-01T23:48:00.001-05:00

Our memories are often not reliable or accurate accounts of the realities we've experienced. I get that. But I've been reminded, with small little snippets of where and how far I've come over that last few years. Praise God for His provision and how He shows us how far He's brought us!

Throughout my school years, I was always pretty happy. I was fortunate enough to have some really great childhood friends and a stable journey through middle school. I never planned to meet my husband in high school, but I did. Unlike many others, I never really felt like I had experienced anything too socially difficult. But marrying at 19 and having my first daughter at 22 was a period of intense change. Change that, for the most part, I was eager to encounter, but could not have known how much I would be stretching and growing.

It was a time in my life where the friends that I'd always connected with were still out living richly exciting lives, spending their time with enriching experiences. They might have been considering others in terms of their weekend plans, but they certainly weren't waking to feed a newborn. My (slightly) older, friends from work and church were blessings in many ways, but weren't new to marriage or motherhood. They were great examples and sources of encouragement but not floundering around like I was. I remember times of extreme loneliness. I remember not feeling like there was anyone I could really count on or deeply connect with. Most of my single friends were immensely busy and those with multiple children were overly busy with their own families. I went through so many stages of mourning between 19 and 24 largely because I couldn't quite grasp all the changes that had occurred. I knew that I was where I was supposed (and had chosen) to be, doing what I was supposed to be doing, but it was also such a hard time.

More than 5 years after my first daughter was born, my perspective (and circumstances) has drastically changed. A lot of the friends I had then are still there and the ones that were encouraging, still are. MANY of the friends that were out experiencing things that you do not experience when you're married at 19 with a baby at 22 are now married and a lot of them are starting families. A little part of me is jealous because so many of them are surrounded by other friends going through the same transitions with them. But really, truly, I'm just glad I've already gone through that part. I'm glad I can offer them support, empathy and prayers without having to travel that road with them. I have excitement for them that I wouldn't have had a few years ago. I can let them know that they aren't alone if they're overwhelmed and I can rejoice when they are high on life. And finally, I have friends that are single. Some of them have been through tough times relationally, and others are still continuing a journey that just naturally extended from college. They too, are near and dear to my heart even though I can't stage a "playdate" as an excuse to talk to them!

I'm so thankful for the broad spectrum of women in my life I can call friends. They are in so many different places and when they share portions of their journey, it allows me to appreciate my own. Don't get me wrong, I'm often sad that there's too little time in my (and their) schedule to see many of them very often, but their diverse worlds enrich mine. So over the last few years, everything that I felt was lacking in my friendships has been restored. Largely, I'm sure it's because of my perspective and maturation (I'm confident of this because, with few exceptions, most of my friends are the same). Regardless of the reason, I'm so thankful to have so many women to try to squeeze in some time with.

So many reasons to smile...

2010-04-14T21:08:00.000-05:00

I considered a number of things before sitting down to blog a bit. Like should I include all my tiny random "blog-worthy" posts into a larger post? Or should I make those separate entries? And... okay, I won't bore you with all of my perfectionistic "woulds" or "shoulds." And I certainly won't claim that this entry is nearly as good as I'd hoped. But, it is what it is!

For now, I'll just tell you my current favorite story!

   Last week Elseigh had placed the ottoman about 2 or 3 feet from the TV with pillows on either side of it. She was jumping over the ottoman while I was cooking. My parents were over, and politely my mom told Elseigh that she should not be doing that, as she was fearful that one mis-step would end in a TV-shattering disaster. But, she told Elseigh to check with me to make sure. I walked into the living room and assessed the situation. I understood why my mom was nervous about it, but (knowing that the TV has a shatter-proof screen) wasn't REALLY worried about it.
   So, I decided to take this chance to talk to Elseigh about how sometimes it's just better not to do something because it was making grandma particularly nervous. I decided to use, what I thought was the PERFECT example: "Elseigh, do you know how you feel when we are in the car and I'm not buckled?"
   (To fill you in, if there are ever the SMALLEST moments when I have not quite gotten the seatbelt latched right as the vehicle has just started moving Elseigh begins SHOUTING "DING! DING! DING! MOMMY!!! YOUR SEATBELT!!! DING DING DING!!!")
   Because Elseigh will flat-out tell you that this makes her nervous and even frequently tells me as I'm putting the van in reverse, "I was just checking to make sure you were buckled," I really thought this would be a SIMPLY point to make. But what does she say? She looks at me, calm, but quite seriously and says "But mommy, I don't feel that way whenever grandma doesn't have her seatbelt on."
   I simply ran from the room she was in trying to hold in my laughter. What more could I say?

Not much HerE!

2010-04-04T23:30:00.001-05:00

So I've been wanting to blog a LOT in the last month. But to be quite honest, I haven't felt like I've had anything to say. Weird.

But I think something's coming. It's just like that feeling you get before you vomit... you know it's coming, you're just not sure when!

I'm just not sure when I'll have time to get it down. Or...where to begin. But it WILL come...

Enjoy. (life, not this entry!)

%^#&* #)@$!!!

2010-02-23T14:50:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, while driving home from the store. Elseigh was having a hard time getting her bunny's new jacket off of the hanger. As I listen, I hear her frustration building. What does she say?

"Tartar sauce!"

I laugh.

Then she says, "It's NOT FUNNY! Breathe through your nose and close your mouth so you won't laugh!"

So, I do.

Today, with her help, we remember what happened well enough to tell daddy. When we ask her who says "Tartar Sauce!" she responds, "Patrick." Thanks, SpongeBob, Thanks.

bath time marvels

2010-02-03T22:55:00.000-06:00

I'd like to spend the time it would take to better develop this introduction, but I don't have that luxury. A few weeks ago I was giving my then 7-month-old a bath. She's mastered the whole sitting thing, but honestly bath time was a little easier when she didn't want to be so involved in playing or chewing on something while bathing. So basically, you have to hold her to make sure she doesn't lean too far into the water while bathing her at the same time. I don't know about you, but I baths scare me. I usually make Jon give as many baths as possible when our babies were very tiny. Slippery, soapy babies are a GIGANTIC responsibility!

During this particular time Alina nearly slipped and fell into the water. My heart leaped from my chest as I envisioned the scary outcome we might have faced. I thought to myself about the danger in the water around her all while she plays without a care in the world. I felt a tug at my heart, about how I've been the same way with God. There have been countless times in my life when I KNOW He has protected me. No, I don't know exactly what I was saved from, because I was oblivious to it. But I do know, that He's the reason I have arrived where I am today with all the blessings surrounding me. Don't get me wrong, I think there are many times in our lives when God holds us responsible for certain things and there are other times when He does allow us to see some portion of what He's saved us from. But it's important to note that there are times in our lives when we need to rest and know that, when we aren't in a place to know better, He has and does protect us like the loving Father He is.

It's that time of year

2009-12-26T21:47:00.000-06:00

2009 is drawing to a close. Although I'd like to think I have something substantial to say about it-- I don't. However, I do plan to do more thinking about what it means to be starting another year with a new name and a WHOLE LOTTA POTENTIAL!!! I normally have good intentions of making New Year's Resolutions, but rarely the time to realize the new year's coming rather quickly. This year, I have started---and it's not even December 31st!

What about you? Are you making any new year's resolutions? What's your favorite thing to do to bring in the new year? Do you have a tradition you stick to each new year?

Jon and I were planning on doing the Frosty 5K... but I'm not sure if that will happen. I suppose I will talk to him about it tomorrow. I've heard they have great prizes, and even though our time would be horrendous, I'm certain it would be fun. AND---it would be a great way to start the new year.

Perhaps--- if we don't participate in the race, (who wants to pay race fees right after Christmas!?) then I think we should send in our forms for a half-marathon this spring. Now THAT's also a great way to start out the new year!

I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be back before the year's over. Here's hoping 2009 is working it's way out the door to usher in an even greater year!

Enjoy.

Christmas Letter Part II

2009-12-15T15:23:00.000-06:00

So, I managed to send out my version of a Christmas letter in the form of a "Top 10" list. Due to the expansion of the family, there wasn't a WHOLE lot left to say. I'm hoping that some years we can just do something a bit silly or the top 10 most embarrassing things. Anyways, without much thought beyond that I saw this last night on Jay Leno. Honestly I've seen it about 8 times now. It's funny and it pretty much encompasses every reason I have to be paranoid about sending out a Christmas letter. But at the same time, it might make me think twice about the kind of person that would really think this---they don't deserve a letter if they feel this way about you!

So, not to make any of you letter senders any more paranoid! Just laugh and enjoy!
(and I'll cross my fingers I figured out how to embed it properly!)

A Question...

2009-12-15T00:10:00.000-06:00

If you've read between 1/3 and 2/3 of a book and you can't seem to get any further, should you really walk away?

I habitually start books. Or maybe I should say that I chronically begin them? I typically make it at LEAST 60 pages. And then I stop. Perhaps I'm a harsh critic? I don't usually leave the book saying I hate it, I just can't make myself finish. In fact, I tend to see it as MY problem for not being able to complete the book. I read 1/3 of "She's Come Undone" in a few days. But now it's been a couple of months and I'm still not done. At this point, I'm not sure if there's any ending that will satisfy me as a reader. It hasn't been a bad book, but at the same time it's been torture---I know that doesn't make any sense, but it did in my head.

More than a year after I started "I Am Legend" I did actually finish it. It wasn't great. I still haven't seen the movie even though I know they are very different. I'm glad I can say I finished it and tuck it away in my "finished" column, I guess.

Should I consider it a character flaw that I don't "finish what I've started"? Or am I really just saving myself time by avoiding the end of books that have already lost my interest?

So this is Christmas

2009-12-09T22:23:00.000-06:00

Quickly, I'd like to share.

The Christmas cards are nearly done. They were supposed to be completed last weekend, but it didn't happen. Handmade items take a lot of time, especially with 2 kids in the house.

Christmas shopping is close enough to be called done. I should probably still get my brother some socks.

Next? Christmas candy. I've purchased all the necessary supplies. This year my goal is to keep it simple. 3 kinds of candies, that's all.

This weekend is full of Christmas events, which I'm pretty excited about. Hopefully I'll get evidence of some (or all) of them here or over on the "family site."

I have quite a few things I've been pondering, but it's too late for me to spit them out, especially since I don't have any homework I'm avoiding.

Hope your holiday plans are progressing nicely. Prepare!

And
Enjoy.

the first issue with christmas

2009-11-19T11:39:00.001-06:00

Every year I contemplate the Christmas card issue. Every year I cannot decide what/if/when/to whom we should send a Christmas card. I have moments where I want EVERYONE to get one. But then I think about how impersonal that often ends up being. I just sign our name at the bottom of a card. "Gee Thanks" I imagine the recipient saying under their breath. Jon's a pretty big fan of Christmas letters. I understand his enthusiasm, but he's not the one that's going to write it. I've spent all too many years editing my parents' and grandparents' letters and refuse to write the kind of letter they wrote. I understand that it's important to be thankful for your health as you age, but I'm not going to write about gall stones or my labor process in a Christmas letter. There are a few clever, and somewhat witty letters I've come across over the years. The ones that stick to the basics are fine... I just envision something more. And, at the same time, I realize that some years they may be more interesting than others.

Along those same lines, do I need to send the letter to everyone that I send a card? Some people will already know everything that I include in the letter... or at least I think they do! So this is my first Christmas complex.

I'd like to write a corny letter like the SNL bit from the cat--- and then from the dead cat. But I'm not sure everyone would get it. (Clip thanks to cat sitter in the city!)

At least this year I could promote my blog and the new up and coming family blog over at callstromfamily.blogspot.com

a shower thought

2009-11-18T15:06:00.000-06:00

First of all... isn't it weird that the most RANDOM things come to you when you're zoned out in the shower!?!?

I decided that the term "fell off the wagon" really should be updated. I mean seriously, WAGON... no one rides on wagons.

I'm sure some of you could think of something fabulous, but so far all I've come up with "went offline."

Enjoy.

Oops!

2009-11-10T21:40:00.000-06:00

True Story here.

I was looking at my followers. My faithful friends cheering me on from the sidelines, quite literally. And, thinking I was clicking to follow one of them... I began following myself!

Time to call it a day!

Enjoy.

Learning

2009-11-07T09:10:00.001-06:00

As we were leaving the park last night. E was afraid that the sand "castle" (a pile of sand with some sort of trash sticking out of it) she made for Jesus would soon be forgotten by Him. I quickly assured her that God cannot forget anything, and then as I realized the fallacy in that--I told her that there is only one thing that God forgets. "When we make bad choices and we ask God to forgive us, He forgets all about it. That's the only time He forgets anything."

To which she replied, "That's good cos then He won't be frustrated." Trying to take in her thought and listen to the lesson we're learning together "Yes, that's right. God does not get frustrated with us."

Yet another reminder that God has something for us to learn. everyday.

Enjoy

November is longer than the other months with only 30 days...

2009-11-01T23:13:00.002-06:00

but only by 1 hour.

As I kept checking back at the clock this morning to make sure I wasn't sleeping in TOO late, I had a MARVELOUS idea.

We should get an extra hour of sleep EVERY Saturday night. I realize that this will create a problem in the long run... and then I quickly discovered a simple solution. Every Friday we could lose the extra hour, say 12pm would suddenly vanish that day. Jon says that we shouldn't know what hour will be gone--- so that way when you're working away and you look up, you're quite surprised to see that it's already been 2 hours since you last looked at the clock! Sounds great to me!

I think we could make it work...

2009-10-29T13:50:00.001-05:00

Good friends are the people in your life that not only accept you for who you are... but somehow, quite effortlessly, make you feel "normal."

Enjoy.

Good Thought

2009-10-25T01:05:00.001-05:00

A quote on my friends f-book profile caught my eye...

Life must be lived forwards, but can only be understood backwards. - Soren Kierkegaard

I dig it.

Poem

2009-10-25T00:51:00.003-05:00

I wish I could go

Back in time

To see

If people have always been so inconsiderate

This isn't said towards any one specific person/circumstance.

And, I imagine I'd find what I find today. Which, is exactly why I needed to say it.

And... I don't say it thinking that I'm any more considerate than the next person. I do try to be, but I can't really say that anyone else doesn't. It does feel that way at times. But that's part of the definition of inconsideration is, isn't it?

Just Because

2009-10-23T16:27:00.002-05:00

I've just now realized why my blogging is so sporadic. I like to blog whenever I need to escape. And it's not that everything is so amazing that I no longer feel the need to escape, it's just that there are so few times that I do escape and so many other ways that I choose over blogging. Like what you ask? Like running. Like making cards/invitations. And shopping. And going to Borders sans children. Wait, going anywhere sans children--- or even going places with only 1 kid. Hanging out with friends, usually at my place.

Running: Just like last time, I managed to gain 70+lbs with this pregnancy. So, even though weigh around 35lbs less than the day I gave birth, I still have a long ways to go. AND, even though my stamina is, uhmmm, sucky I can still manage to jog longer than 1 minute at a time. Long enough, in fact, that it is already enjoyable. Better yet: once I manage to make it out of the house with the girls, there's totally childcare at the Y! AND (as if it needs to be better) they remember Elseigh (spelling included) from when I took her there around 2 years ago!

Cards/Thank You's/Invites: Creatively expressing myself is the best. The downfalls: $$$ & E wants to use my glue/ribbons/punches/stencils/stamps. That wouldn't be much of a problem except for the fact that she's not any better at cleaning up than I am and, a related problem, things get lost. I'll be posting some of my "work"--- eventually.

I would keep going, but the rest are pretty obvious. And both kiddos are back at home. Oh, and there are so many things to tackle before a dear friend comes over... but I think she might be in the driveway.

2009-10-22T15:39:00.001-05:00

Just testing.

2009-10-22T15:37:00.001-05:00

Technology is an awesome way to... waste time, but I dig it.

Hmmm.

2009-05-21T17:08:00.002-05:00

So, once again it's been a while...and I'm okay with that.

I've considered eliminating this blog all-together, but just can't make myself do it. I'm okay with that, too.

It looks as though tomorrow I will be giving birth to my second child, my second daughter. I've had such an amazing week off from work to spend with my first, it's been a precious week. And tomorrow I will see the face of another source of overwhelming blessings and an array of emotions. I'm thankful that I know more than I did the first time, that I am so much more aware of all that I have to look forward to. It's good to see that despite the seemingly endless nights, your children begin to bless and teach you in bigger ways than you ever thought possible at such a young age. They are mirrors of the good and the bad and I'm thankful to have grown right along with them on many levels.

I know that I will be frantic many days, my house will never be as clean as I would like it, and that my schedule and my mood may not be what I'd planned on...

but I do know that it is exactly what HE wants for me.

On articles and internet connectedness

2009-02-25T19:36:00.004-06:00

Unfortunately, a couple of days ago, as I sat at home with my sick daughter, I ran across a few "news" articles. I'm not sure if they should really be classified as news, but they were newsweek articles.

So, the problem with these articles is how they were talking about how we spend out time on social networks like Facebook. And basically now I have a complex.

Why? In part I guess I can relate to Steve Tuttle's article, but at the same time, there are days when the most connection I make with people via interface rather than face to face. (I'm not sure my pun works, but let's just pretend!)

I know I'm much more likely to bare my soul in print rather than in person. But at the same time, I've also been immensely hesitant in making big announcements to the facebook community. Or even online.

A friend of mine openly admits to internet stalking.. I don't deny the same practice, nor do I think anyone who doesn't (admit to) spy on others is any better than the rest of us. Hmph. I don't think I'm getting anywhere.

Maybe it comes down to my idealistic mindset. Ideally, we would all be able to make genuine connections in person. Ideally, we would all have TIME and ENERGY to make face to face connections and write more hand-written notes. But in reality, most of us don't have (or often make) time for more genuine intimacy in our friendships and acquaintances. And, because of our desire to connect, the internet has done far more than anticipated. It has, indeed, brought connections where there would be none. But it has also handicapped us into relying on it for far too much than we ever should have.

So, once again I'm encouraged to be a little less concerned about cyberspace and focus a bit more on being genuine in the real-world. But, it's still pretty hard to pick up the phone...

Today's Random Musing

2009-02-24T15:30:00.003-06:00

For today, the sound of hearing E sing "Sponge Bob Square Pants" is just about as good as it gets.

(And for the record, she's been sick, so it's great that she's not only stopped running a fever, but now I have an indication she's also feeling good!)

Hooray.

On blindness

2009-02-06T22:56:00.003-06:00

A few months ago, I learned that I'm a "squinter." No, not because I need to see the eye doctor, but because I live in the "West." Each morning I drive into the sun to get to work, and each evening I drive back into the sun to get home. The sun is blinding. And, the whole idea of those unique things called sunglasses, well, I'm just not that organized. I've bought them, but presently, I own none.

So, as I approach the highway to turn East a few mornings ago. I was listening to one of my usual Christian-based radio stations. I can't recall what I was listening to, but it may have been a song or talking or something else as nearly as irrelevant. It was just at that point that I had a mini-revelation.

Judgmentalness is blinding.

When I am standing back and judging the person to my right or to my left, I am closing off the parts of us that are the same. I am not allowing myself to see the truth. The person I'm judging may be facing terrible pain or frustration or God-only-knows what else, but my attitude can so easily keep me from seeing the truth. My judgmental mask blinds me from being compassionate or showing them tenderness at a time when they may need it or be blessed by it. When I assume the person in the car in front of me cut me off on purpose or guy in the checkout line in front of me is being irrational--- I am unable to see that he may have just lost a job, a loved one, or might just be having a rough day.

And tonight, in light of that thought...

E and I went to "fat" freddy's. The place was completely packed so we both decided it would be fun to go to the car to eat. So, I lugged my ever-expanding self and E pleasantly walked with to me back to the car. I had a bag, two drinks and two "cups" of ketchup, oh yeah, and my purse, AND I was somehow holding E's hand. So, when we reached the car, I set the bag of food on top of the car... I heard the wind shaking the bag, but I was still quite surprised when the sack blew off and all of our fries fell onto the ground (oh, and of course the ketchup fell then, too). I looked down at the fries. Well, crap... I didn't want to pay for more fries, and I didn't really want to go all the way back in to see if they would give us more. Although I wasn't overly upset, I certainly felt kind of defeated. And then...

There was a lady in the car next to us. I'd seen her inside with two daughters. And inside, I actually thought she seemed a bit on the grumpy side of neutral (but perhaps that was just her facial expression, or maybe she just wanted to get out of the crowded venue). They'd gotten their food just before us. And you know what? She got out and said, "did you lose all your fries?--- Here, you can have mine." To which I replied: "Are you sure?" And she said, "Yes, take mine, I never eat them all anyways, and I have two others to eat from." And she proceeded to help my gather all my stuff and move the 3 12-packs of soda that E didn't want to sit on like mock booster seat. It's funny because I was embarrassed at all the stuff in the front of the car, yet had to laugh because I'd actually "cleaned" my car this week. (Before that cleaning day we could have only eaten in the trunk.)

So, I'm grateful that this other mom didn't look at me and think I was stupid for not having my stuff together. And she didn't condemn me for not expecting this terrific Kansas wind to knock everything off the car. Her kindness truly blessed me, and I sat happily eating those fries without any ketchup whatsoever. I didn't need them to begin with, but I am truly grateful for her compassion.

With those (and other) simple reminders, it has become increasingly easier to remember that when it comes to being gentle, loving, kind and compassionate with others...

I'd rather give freely due to my understanding that I am clueless about what's going on in/around the person in front of me, than judge them and blind myself from the possibility of seeing the truth.

And the truth is---

We all need compassion, grace and sometimes just a genuine smile because we are each more fragile than we let on.

And honestly, I hope I can live in that truth a moment longer tomorrow than I did today.

Is all this REALLY necessary?

2009-01-11T23:52:00.002-06:00

Although I'm certain I come across something personally appalling and quite ridiculous on a daily basis, (and yet somehow still consider myself to be quite content and pleasant most of the time). Today I just have to ask, is it REALLY so necessary to use APA? Do colleges not realize that we've spent the last four-ten years trying to grasp standard MLA, and then one day you enroll in an education, psychology or business class and "WHAM!" they throw this at you. There are reasons people come and give special presentations and spend countless hours learning the senseless details to APA format. The education professor is not going to teach you every detail, she has recruted an APA "Specialist" and will give you a forty page example merely trying to explain the format, heading and even style requirements for beloved APA.

And, perhaps this is also why my high school teachers chose not to mess with it!

Yet, despite my grumbling, I'm grateful I spent a semester trying to learn it. At least it's not too hard to recall now that I'm proof-reading my husband's paper.

It's strange how even the little things come full-circle.

The first of many endeavors for 2009

2009-01-08T20:36:00.002-06:00

So, I've started something of a little book club. Some days I'm not sure I'm exactly the kind of person that I'd want leading a book club, but selfishly I need some deadlines or else I will read the first 50 pages of every book in the book store (well, almost). Strangely, it doesn't really matter how well I like a book, I can always walk away from it. Book number one: The Shack by William P. Young was our first endeavor. There was a lot I liked about the book, yet I'm not entirely thrilled with their push for people to talk about it, blog about it and tell everyone they know in every form of media how great it is. I personally loved it, and that's about all I'm going to say about it here. Next on the list--- Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. I've owned this book for a while and am excited to be reading it more thoroughly this time through. After we make it through the Boundaries book the next book to make it on the list is The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. Since this book is over 500 pages, I've gotten a small head start on it and so far... I'm pretty psyched about it. The ridiculous part is---I think this a book that I would get so much more out of if I were forced to write a paper. The things I miss about college. Sigh.

And, actually, that's the end of the list. What's embarrassing is that, although I suggested the first book, I have yet to commit a work to the list for this year. Yikes! Should I look for a classic I've always wanted to read, one I've already read that I would like to skim and discuss more thoroughly, a hot new read, one already endorsed by some famous person/show etc., one with "book club" discussion questions in the back??? Presently, there are so many books on my list I do not see how I could single one lonely novel out. What about the rest? When can it be their turn? Perhaps I will pick out three and the "club" can decide the fate of my book-reading future.

Ultimately no one's losing. I'm back to reading, and perhaps I'll find myself thinking or even blogging with purpose once again. Reading's a good enough start for me.

Yes, I beleive I did, in fact, fall of the face of the earth

2008-11-18T14:46:00.002-06:00

I wish I had a great post, or felt that I could promise one to come... but sorry folks, I don't think so.

I do have a random funny moment I could share so that you might not feel as though you wasted your precious time checking in...

A friend from high school has, for her facebook profile, a picture of herself eating some cotton candy. Elseigh sees it and says "mom, what is she sucking?" I say "Oh, she's eating cotton candy, not sucking on anything." Her response--"Oh, I thought she was sucking on a diaper." (It was the light blue kind of cotton candy, by the way).

Laugh on.

Check it out!

2008-08-07T09:35:00.007-05:00

I have to admit that, the first time I'd ever heard of the deep-fried twinkie, I was a bit shocked. Although I haven't tried one, I have an idea of why they are supposedly so great. And I also realize that deep-fried anything may not be a bad idea. But THIS, this is an entirely different matter.

Because I'm not entirely sure how to politely give credit where credit is due, I'm simply going to create a link for you to go directly over to a local Wichitan's blog. Let's just say, that if you ever have chocolate cravings, this will make you look at it in a whole knew way! Click here and let me know what you think!(Phew! I nearly forgot how to create a link!)

On the Hunt

2008-08-06T12:36:00.006-05:00

There are reasons people work for the same company year after year, pushing papers in a job they hate. I suspect that one of those reasons is the fact that they know things really could be worse. They could be out looking for a job.

Now don't think that I'm trying to throw myself a giant pity party, I realize job searching isn't literally the worst thing in the world, at least, not yet. The process that was so seemingly simple in the table-waiting, burger-flipping side of the world, turns into a tangled mess of presumptions and questions: to call or not to call? to take an interview for a job on the bottom of the list? when to stop listing previous employers? required salary? who to ask for references? how to put on your best commercial at the interview?

Ugh. I dread the interview. I've honestly become quite skilled at interviewing---in my mind. Yet somehow, the live event never comes out so smoothly. You're supposed to sound too good to be true? Here's the part I just cannot wrap my brain around: I don't like marketing, I don't like scams, I'm just an honest girl trying to find an honest job with an honest company, why do you want me to pretend I'm better than sliced bread or a miracle working infomercial host? I think I'm exactly what you're looking for, I think I can do this job phenomenally, otherwise I would not have wasted your time applying! I'm not here to sing and dance, so please make up your mind and tell me what I don't have that another client does or that I'm your first candidate. If your turnover rate is high, tell me that, and I'll admit that my family comes first. If I come to the interview and I play the "what you see is what you get" card, you'll think I'm lazy and that I do not care about the position. If I sell myself too well, you'll think I'm a liar. I'm convinced you might think I'm a liar no matter how I sing and dance for you. I'm slowly learning that a large percentage of the world does not expect brutal honesty, at least not when money is involved. I'd like the job, please give it to me. Let's just try this for a month, that will work just fine, this isn't a marriage proposal. The pretentiousness of the job hunt is what I hate. We both know that I'm not perfect and the people I may soon be working for are not either. But instead of being honest about it, let's play a game--- and meanwhilte, we can all think of how great it was that time that our friend's uncle's brother's son just gave us that job/internship/gig. Sigh.

For now I will just keep hoping and praying that the perfect job will fall into my lap without losing too much sleep over it. Oh, and it would be nice if it was the first and only one I stumbled upon... but we're already past that point.

And for now, I'm grateful for the seat-warming, phone-answering job I do have; for these last two days.

one more thing.

2008-07-10T15:46:00.002-05:00

Okay I lied, I have two things to note here.

From what I saw on all those "other" blogs, it didn't look like anyone was reading their posts, either. Phew. I can almost convince myself this really is an electronic journal!

And the other thing: we really need a camera.

utilizing brief periods of downtime

2008-07-10T15:26:00.004-05:00

Over the last few weeks, while attempting to "work" (I am technically still working, since this "job" consists mainly of scanning volumes upon vloumes of journals into a computer, which involves a considerable amount of 15-20 second intervals of down time) I've come across some pretty terrific blogs. Unfortunately, I probably couldn't tell you their names/addresses or how I came across them. So many of them are beautiful poetic, and in languages I can't even identify. But you know what I realized was so great about the majority of them? The fact that they were sharing some of the most basic things about their life. It has just occurred to me that this ties into some of my thoughts more recently about how important relationships and connections are between people. Hmph.

On that note, instead of trying to say something profound, I think I'd rather share something a little more basic.

During the months of May and June, I did very little running (when I say run/running, it will always mean jog/jogging). Because of this, my feet did not hurt. And since my feet did not hurt, I started wearing traditional summer shoes: sandals, flip-flops, I even sported the occassional nude foot from time to time. What I did not realize, was that it would only take a few short runs to make me very sorry for not sporting my frumpy orthotics. After my 3-mile route this morning, I put my running shoes back on immediately.

And guess what I learned from google today? They actually make sandals I can use with my orthotics. And they don't even look like something my grandma used to wear!

Hooray.

Drive Carefully

2008-07-03T15:31:00.003-05:00

I was driving to school yesterday, or work, err--both, since I work and go to school at school. Anyways. I was driving into the sun (that would be... yes, East). As I am traveling in the right lane, I see a lady on the sidewalk. She's tall, she's got something on her head, perhaps because it's not "fixed" and she is dressed casually (or maybe in her pajamas). I see her look my direction (left), but I'm pretty sure she hasn't seen me. She looks to her right and waits for the cars on the other side of the road as they come closer. Just as I am right in front of her, she begins to step out into the street as she looks at me. Our eyes locked and I am trying to figure out if I should swerve or slam on my brakes and inadvertantly do both. The giant leap towards me she has taken is harder for her to stop than she thought. But she manages to reverse her momentum, and as her wide eyes peer at mine we both manage to mouth the same giant word to each other: "SORRY!"

I was so grateful that this lady had the courage to mouth the word. She hadn't intended to risk her life, and because of that I suppose I just felt sorry that I had been right there at that time to scare the crap out of her! We certainly had a moment as I saw her life flash before her eyes.

At this point, I must admit that I have little understanding of road rage. It's not that I've never told someone they were an idiot for how they drive, because I have. I just don't see the point in getting SO angry about it.

And now that I think about it... I guess it really boils down to the fact that I don't have an anger issue. Hopefully anyone who is reasonably adjusted and moderately healthy on an emotional level has difficulty in understanding outrageous bursts of anger.

And that reminds me...This past weekend I took a therapy workshop for one wonderful hour of credit. Guess what it was called? Cognitive Therapy for Anger Management. It turns out that anger is a big issue, especially when you have compounding situations/history.

Perhaps we need to create some type of bumper-sticker system. From green to red or something, with about 4 levels. Green is for the polite and happy drivers, they might drive too slow, and the like to let people in. Yellow could be for someone like me, I might honk at you, but I'm probably not mad. I just want you to know that I didn't like that, you were about to hit me, or the light turned green. Orange could be for someone that just doesn't have too much patience in the car, they are always in a hurry and they might curse at you and show you the bird if you cut them off (on purpose or accident). Red would be for the crazys that might get out and punch/shoot(?) you if you take their parking space... or anyone with a history of violence or assault charges on their records.

The only problem is...

front or back bumper?

Before Another Month Rolls By...

2008-06-30T15:37:00.002-05:00

As part of an assignment for class, I've been reading an excerpt from Goleman's Social Intelligence. The following quotes are at least part of why I've been trying to watch less television and decrease the amount of time I'm distracting my brain with various forms of technology:

"The one-person shell created by headphones intensifies social insulation. Even when the wearer has a one-on-one, face-to-face encounter, the sealed ears offer a ready excuse to treat the other person as an object, something to navigate around rather than someone to acknowledge, or at the very least, notice... To be sure, from the iPod wearer's perspective, he is relating to someone--the singer, the band... his heart beats as one with theirs. But these virtual others have nothing whatever to do with the people who are just a foot or two away... To the extent that technology absorbs people in virtual reality, it deadens them to those who are acutally nearby. The resulting social autism adds to the ongoing list of unintended human consequences of the coninuing invasion of technology into our daily lives."

Don't take this completely wrong, because here I am typing away into a virtual community---hoping someone is willing to spend a moment here. Connections via the internet are neither inherently bad nor are the film/tv/music industries. It seems to me that one of the bigger problems is our lack on intentionality. How many times have I simply sat down and let a few hours float by when I had planned on doing something more productive. Are there days/weeks that I've watched hours of re-runs only to realize I wished I would have found something more fulfiling to do with that time? After spending an evening with my husband in front of the TV, my brain has shut down. I may have sat next to him, physically nearby, but I cannot cultivate anything meaningful to say that would bridge the gap between us. The land of my mind would rather not be barren, it would rather reach and grow, and connect with the people around me.

Goleman includes a wise insight from T.S. Eliot, written in 1963; the television "permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome."

So, if I don't have much to say for a while again... I hope it's because I'm filling my brain with a greater percentage of books and relationships--and on purpose!

Trying to do it all...

2008-05-01T14:26:00.002-05:00

So I've been neglecting this blog for the entire first four months of this year. Any hopes I'd had of welcoming regular readers have faded. Gratefully, I'm okay with that.

In the last 3 months my husband/I: Found a great day-care. Bought a house. Stripped the wallpaper in 80% of the house. Painted. Packed. Moved. Started a part-time job. Trained for a half-marathon. Completed a half-marathon. Celebrated our daughter's third birthday.

I'm certain I could include other events, but those are the most apparent. Now, I'm faced with multiple wedding events on nearly every weekend until June, finals, and stripping/re-finishing dressers for the master bedroom. None of this is to say that I'm complaining, I suppose I'm just needing to publicly forgive myself for not writing as much as I'd like.

This week I've been focused on weeds and dead leaves, both physically and symbolically. To put it more quickly and bluntly than I'd like--- too many times we think we've dealt with a certain weed or we've raked out some dead leaves and we expect that they will never return. When we rake each fall or pluck up a weed, we never walk away assuming the work is completely done. So why would we ever assume the same could occur in us emotionally, spiritually or relationally?

laugh a little

2008-02-26T14:36:00.005-06:00

Lately, I've been really blessed by laughter. So, before I head off to clean and pack and try to remember my lengthy to do list... I thought I'd insert the embarrassing story I mentioned from last semester and I will try to insert my new favorite laughter-inspiring video.

So in December, I had this paper I needed to turn in for a class in order to get credit from another college course.

I decided to take the elevator upstairs since I was walking with some friends and completely passed the stairs (thankfully they continued on without me).

As I was telling my friends "good-bye" I pushed the button for the elevator and waited by myself.

I looked down and the button was not lit.

"Hmmm" I say to myself, "I must have been distracted and didn't actually push the button..."

So I pushed it again and I looked to SEE that the light came on.

I waited a little while and the light shut off, AGAIN!

"WHAT IN THE WORLD!"

And just a then the light-bulb in my head went off...

I pushed the button again and my suspicions were confirmed.

The elevator door BEHIND me opened and closed...
3 TIMES!!!

Smiles and laughter welcome HERE .

time flies when...

2008-02-26T14:13:00.003-06:00

So sadly, not only have I not been posting, but I never even noticed the comments about my disappearance.

Anyways, my world is rapidly changing. Slow enough that I'm doing really well, but too fast for me to blog about it all, at least at this point. Perhaps some of my difficulty in keeping up a blog is my desire to spend time writing in paper journals and notes as well as reading and thinking about things pertaining to school, family, self, and the many things that fascinate me about the world I've been placed in.

Developmentally, I think I'm coming to a place where I'm not so intimidated by the world to just be me. That's a good place to be and a place where I hope each of you are and can be.

So the only reason I signed in today (Hooray! I even remembered my password, but I have no recollection about how to email blogs anymore!) was to share a (somewhat corny) anecdote from a book I'm reading called One Month to Live by Kerry and Chris Shook. The book is meant to be read over 30 days and is basically what it sounds like, questions to ask yourself and things to do today to help you live in a way that you make use of each moment God gives you. Anyways.

The excerpt: "I once heard about a guy who went to the doctor to get the results of his annual physical. His doctor met with him and said, 'I'm sorry, Bob. I've got some bad news for you. The tests shows...you only have six months to live.' Bob let the news sink in and asked, 'Is there anything I can do...' The doctor thought for a moment and said, 'There is one thing. You can move to the country and buy a pig farm and raise pigs. Then you can find a widow who has fourteen or fifteen kids, marry her, and bring all of them to live with you on the pig farm.' Bob looked puzzled and said, 'And that will help me live longer?' The doctor said, 'No, but it will seem like the longest six months of your life!'"

Some periods of our life go by faster than we have time to realize we're in them, others seem to be unending and arduous.

I think the story may mean more by my commenting less.

Have a great one!

test, test, test 1.

2007-12-09T23:13:00.001-06:00

Test post.

This is a test. This is only a test.

And hopefully I will get this deleted before anyone has read it and thinks... hmph. Nevermind.

I'm going to make it.

2007-12-09T22:50:00.000-06:00

The papers have been written. I look forward to Thursday, when everything loathsome about this semester will be over. This week I only have 5 beloved finals, each of which I'm certain I will procrastinate studying for... by doing things like THIS:

This will be most enjoyable if you know my 70+ year old step-dad!
My family of elves. One big happy family. I think I could watch this for hours.

I have an embarrassing story I sent out in a mass email, it's not that embarrassing... it was suggested I post it. I've been slacking on my reading, blog reading, hmph... pretty much a lot of things I would have rather done! Well, you can't make the honor roll without some sacrifice!

I will...eventually.

Too much to grade... too much to write!

2007-12-01T15:47:00.000-06:00

My poor professors are going to have to do a lot of grading over the next few weeks. How do I know this? Because I still have 3 major papers to WRITE! (And this doesn't include the easy, short kinds of papers/assignments)

So, while I have no time to blog now... I know the tide will turn and winter break will be here soon!

Oh how I wish I could just wiggle my nose and have the research portion completed!

Worth your time...

2007-11-20T01:40:00.000-06:00

I'm not too into forwards or links (nor am I confident that I even now how to link), but you're sure to get a smile from these.

Here's the first from Blog Meridian. This is unforgettable!

And the second... maybe. I can't get it to work. Oh well, just don't shoot me for this screw-up (I'd prefer lethal injection, if that's what it comes to).

Thanks!

2007-11-20T00:50:00.000-06:00

I spent last Sunday morning teaching in my daughter's toddler class at church. Although they have what is probably a great curriculum, I realized that for her age the main objective was to say "we thank God" as much as possible. (I suddenly understood how she had learned "Jesus wive"--meaning alive-- during Easter).
It's a pretty easy step, to say thank you, but we rarely say it enough. As soon as my daughter started talking I realized that I needed to say please and thank you a whole lot more if she was ever really going to get it. But now I must ask if I say thank you enough to the people that matter? Do I show my gratitude to God, not out of obligation, but purely from a thankful heart?

I'm thankful for the people God has placed in my life, those here, others that used to be. Most of these people have made my life much richer, and a few, God has used to help me grow (or both). I'm grateful for my family and friends that continue to hope in and encourage me. For the struggles and triumphs in life; for the endless possibility of growth God gives me in each day. His endurance (love and patience) exhausts me.

I'm grateful for you. Those of you that visit here frequently---just for showing up. Your presence and comments encourage me on many levels. At least I'm not literally talking to myself!

What are you most thankful for today?
This day I'm thankful for:
Freddy's Frozen Custard,
the semester's near-end,
and little potty chairs!

I'd like to dream more

2007-11-17T16:34:00.000-06:00

Two unrelated thoughts for the moment. I'm sure there are more, but they're buried far below.

I'd like to dream more--- while I sleep. I once had a teacher that claimed to have never had a dream in color. I don't have as many crazy-fun vivid dreams as I did when I was a kid. I once had a dream that I was late for the bus, my room was done in cherry wall-paper. In real life--I rode the "short bus" since I was always bused to school. In my dream I was late, so I was trying to run out to the bus. There was only one problem I couldn't run. Of course it's usually hard to run while your in bed sleeping, but as I looked down at my fully-clothed body, I found a pair of pantyhose pulled up only to my knees!
Maybe it's not too funny to read, but it was the best dream I've ever had.

Secondly, blog world is pretty overwhelming. I'm also really glad I didn't try to read too many of them before now. There are so many incredible thoughts floating around in this realm of the world. The linking and quoting and uhmm, other things I don't even know how to refer to are all pretty amazing.

A day at a time Ashley, a day at a time...

Do you have any dreams that are especially remarkable? Do you dream in color or black-and-white?

UNIQUELY MADE

2007-11-13T00:24:00.000-06:00

Unique is one of my favorite words. But really, that's not at all why I'm here.

I googled my daughter's first name. WOW! "Elseigh" is even more original than I imagined! (Yes, I admit I created this spelling by chopping off the "Ch" of the English spelling of Chelsea (Chelseigh))

Only two of the results are not specifically her. She is one of a kind! Praise God!

BTW- I realize I'm only blogging SO much because I'm trying to avoid studying... it will all be over soon and things should balance out.

You've got to be kidding me!

2007-11-12T15:12:00.000-06:00

So I'm searching through the elaborate listing of cartoons and children's shows for Elseigh--- and I spot Boomerang's grouping of cartoons called "No Undies Mondays." The info button yields the following: Cartoon shorts featuring characters that do not wear pants.

I realize that MANY cartoons do not wear pants, shirts, or any other garments.

But seriously?

What's going to be on the rest of the week? Booze-day Tuesday?

Life's purpose in blogworld

2007-11-11T23:20:00.000-06:00

All along, I have struggled with what the content of this blog should be, (which is precisely how I named it) and I'm slowly learning to not apologize for expressing my thoughts. I'm growing in the understanding that everything I say or write does not have to be perfect, nor does it have to be meaningful or completely developed. Meaning is good, but I've also found that something I find to be rather obvious is precisely what someone else would have missed had it not been spelled it out for them.

I'm learning to accept that there are going to be others who may be more eloquent than me or have large amounts of daily readers. But I also know that I am only responsible for me. I grow through writing, and at least here, I can only offer... me.

This excerpt from Thoreau's "Life Without Principle" is, in part, why I even mention any of this.

AT a lyceum, not long since, I felt that the lecturer had chosen a theme too foreign to himself, and so failed to interest me as much as he might have done. He described things not in or near to his heart, but toward his extremities and superficies. There was, in this sense, no truly central or centralizing thought in the lecture. I would have had him deal with his privatest experience, as the poet does. The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer. I am surprised, as well as delighted, when this happens, it is such a rare use he would make of me, as if he were acquainted with the tool. Commonly, if men want anything of me, it is only to know how many acres I make of their land,—since I am a surveyor,—or, at most, what trivial news I have burdened myself with. They never will go to law for my meat; they prefer the shell. A man once came a considerable distance to ask me to lecture on Slavery; but on conversing with him, I found that he and his clique expected seven-eighths of the lecture to be theirs, and only one-eighth mine; so I declined. I take it for granted, when I am invited to lecture anywhere,—for I have had a little experience in that business,—that there is a desire to hear what I think on some subject, though I may be the greatest fool in the country,—and not that I should say pleasant things merely, or such as the audience will assent to; and I resolve, accordingly, that I will give them a strong dose of myself.
(You can read the rest here.)

I'm very much aware that my life may not seem like some "great" accomplishment when I die. I may never have a full-time job and I may never publish a book. I may never touch a multitude of lives or speak to the masses. But I hope that I am remembered as a woman who grew and loved and shared; who was humble enough to admit her wrongs and strong enough to face her doubt; a woman who was in love with her God.

(And perhaps someday I'll even be able to confidently discern between the correct uses of commas, colons and semi-colons!)

words

2007-11-11T19:57:00.000-06:00

I'm going to start adding "word" posts. It may be a new word to me, it may just be a word that delighted me or offended me that day. Or, like today it might be a word I've heard a thousand times but never quite figured out.

Facsimile:
An exact copy or reproduction, as of a document.

Others:
coffer, gild.

Growing, Prioritizing.

2007-11-09T22:59:00.000-06:00

It's pretty remarkable how growth spurts work. I remember the pains I experienced as a preteen, and am still quite surprised to learn that growth spurts are very much the same even when they're not confined to the physical realm.

Ouch.

Part of me wants to tie this back into my thoughts on comfort.

But not today. Today has been uncomfortble enough.

Priorities will have to wait until later.

Calloused?

2007-11-05T17:42:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be comfortable lately. I must admit that this blog is only an attempt to sort out some of the "half-thoughts" I've had so far. I think that the value of comfort is too high in our culture, comfort is, after all, some part of pleasure. But what happens when we mistake comfort for numbness? I question whether or not most people know the difference.
Today I picked up my custom-made shoe inserts, because it turns out I have these really crummy feet. "Crummy" meaning that I have high arches and it often feels like my weight is supported by about 3 square inches of foot. As a result, I have incredibly thick calluses. Big deal, right? Having a callus on your foot probably isn't going to hurt you too much, given its function. But, let's flip to emotional callousness. We become hardened as a means of protection, which is probably good at the time. Once the thing (person or situation) that caused the callus is gone, then what are we to do? That callousness is not going to vanish on its own and it may take some time before you're convinced that your hardened extra layers are unnecessary. Removing the physical callus is probably less difficult than removing the emotional kind. And, unlike band-aids, calluses aren't formed overnight and they cannot simply be ripped off, nor will the original surface conditions ever be fully recovered.
Comfort. It's strange to think that we become comfortable with our calluses. It might be more accurately called "protected," but what is the healthy amount of risk, or protection? On one level I think there are things everyone should do that are not necessarily going to be comfortable. There are some pretty incredible "Carpe diem" quotes involving the importance of taking risks in life. But I hesitate here, because sometimes being uncomfortable means that you're not cut out for something. There are times when we are reluctant to do something, not because we fear the uncomfortableness of it, but because it's just not right.
I'm sure more thoughts on comfort are forthcoming, but for now I must face another callus-rendering activity by finishing my paper(S).

2007-11-02T14:41:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I found an article about something, despite its enormous popularity, I knew very little about. Despite my lack of personal knowledge, the points made are right on. Check it out here: http://www.poynter.org/column.asp?id=78&aid=132272 Roy Paul Clark accuses J.K. Rowling, of crossing the line. I do not pretend to know anything about Harry Potter or any defensive reasoning its author might have, but ugh, how could she do this? Clark makes his point in relation to literature, but what if the same thing were to happen in film? If something is pertinent enough to mention later, it should have been included in the script/article/novel... or blog.

So I have this fear. . .

2007-09-14T23:36:00.000-05:00

So, I've been wanting to blog, but I have very little inspiration. My problem, you see, is that this has been one of those weeks which has made today into one of those days. . . I'm well aware that "one of those days" may have a different connotation for you than it does for me. I once had a middle school (student) teacher proclaim in a dumb-blonde, valley girl-esque fashion, (with head bobbing from side to side) "I think I lost my brain today!" I'm not sure she ever knew how often my friends and I mocked her and laughed for years to come. But today, more often than not, I was oh so tempted to send out a search party for my own coherent thoughts lost in the dark abyss. My world is racing ahead of me, leaving my head spinning. I'm tagging along for the ride, and thankfully my planner is there to remind me that my birthday is two, not one week away. (Yes I really did have to check). The keys on my keyboard are in a seemingly different order every two or three words, but all is well. My brain will return just as Little Bo Peep's sheep did. (I never knew the end of this nursery rhyme until reading it to my daughter!)
Up until this point, my title shouldn't quite fit in. That's because. . . as I started writing the title, I was certain that I had used it for a previous post. Two or three times I began to etch in a title, and "uh-oh, no, I think I've used that one." Which, is apparently a fear of mine?
I did see a great movie tonight: The Brave One. I was really impressed! It is well made, and I found it's producing, acting and plot to be quite thought provoking. Perhaps tomorrow I will have assembled a few of those thoughts and place them here for you.

Here's hoping your day is filled with a few naturally flowing thoughts!

My fascination with "Ellipsis dots"

2007-09-07T16:31:00.000-05:00

So... I've been reading a grammar book. Yes that's right, a book called Keys for Writers. Despite the fact that I seem to understand how to write, I still have a lot of questions and general insecurities about English grammar. Some people seem to think that I should have to take classes on grammar, punctuation, and editing, but I don't. It's scary to realize that the more I learn, the less I can clearly recall the basics.
A sentence must have a subject and a predicate. Check. (So, "check" isn't a sentence). I often know when something isn't right, but the agony of trying to explain it! Sentence fragments are often a pretty big problem, but then I'm informed that "advertisers and writers occasionally use fragments deliberately for a crisp, immediate effect." Hmmm. I read on, "you will also find fragments used intentionally in question form." Well, what do we have here? "By all means, use fragments to achieve a specific effect." Unfortunately, what this author forgot to say is: if you're writing for a grade, make sure the person grading your paper will know that you wrote a sentence fragment. On purpose.
Now on to today's title. I've overused ellipses for over ten years. If you've ever read a letter or an email I've written... you know how true (and understated) this confession is. Well, now... I know why. "Note: Use three dots to indicate a pause in speech or an interruption." Hooray! All these years, instead of using a comma... I've only been trying to show that I'm pausing... those are my "hold on a minute my brain is searching, sorting or interrupting" dots. That's the only argument I have for overusing those tiny little dots. . . yup. . . that's all I've got for today.
The end. (For effect).

fat lip or black eye?

2007-09-03T21:35:00.000-05:00

So, in case you forget that children hear far more than you may realize...

After eating with some friends I was asking which of the two bags of chips they would like to keep. One was turned away from me so his response was "eh?" Thinking that I'm being pretty clever I say "fat lip or black eye?" Clever perhaps, but soon my two-year-old says in the saddest whimper "I want black eye"... and then she keeps whining to her daddy "fat-wip fat-wip." So I give her some chips and pray she doesn't say these words to anyone that might report me!

Be ever so careful, small ears may pick up the most!

Ring! Ring!

2007-07-21T01:11:00.000-05:00

I did finally get a new ring tone. I'm not so thrilled with my choice. I picked one of my favorite songs called "story" or "the story" by Brandi Carlile. Great song- BUT- when the climax of the song is the start of the ring... the part where she's belting out the words and it's very scratchy... well, I feel like I'm being scolded to answer the phone!

I should have chosen the Veggie Tales Cheeseburger song. I would have smiled instead of jumping when it rang while taking Elseigh to the Doctor on Tuesday. Some days I wouldn't mind having the Wizard of Oz tones--- "If I only had a brain"--- but then my fear would be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy with every phone call!

Oh Really!?

2007-07-21T00:02:00.000-05:00

I ran across an interesting article today. I love it when I just happen to glance at something that turns out to be intriguing. Tomorrow, we will have our vice-president stand in as president. Don't worry, it will only be for a few short hours. But in case you haven't heard the reason why... Mr. Bush is going to have a colonoscopy. WoW! It's pretty amazing to think of how powerful a man he is that we are entitled to know when and why this man is going to be sedated.

Honestly, this is not what I found interesting. The historical aspect of this article was much more interesting than the fact that Mr. "Prez W." had polyps in his colon before becoming our leader. Ha! A lot has changed since 1983, when president Grover Cleveland had surgery on his yacht! The article reports that the vice president was not even aware of it!

Well folks, I promise to let you know the next time I undergo anesthesia. And I must confess, it surprised me to realize that the thought of Cheney stepping in as President for more than just a few hours was terrifying.

Here's the link if you're interested. I'd like to note that my spellcheck indicates that colonoscopy is misspelled. Apparently either the NY Times is at fault, or it's not in this database, imagine that!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/21/washington/21bush.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Where has the summer gone? I'm thrilled to announce that I have only 5 more days of summer school! Essentially that means I must wait one week before I will enjoy nearly 3 weeks of summer. I'm struggling to determine if I should be happy or sad. Fortunately I enjoy school enough that if I can afford to buy some new school supplies, I'll be all set when August 16th rolls around. Ugh. I think.

I've enjoyed my statistics class, at least to the extent that I find math enjoyable. However, my intro to teaching course has been far less purposeful. I only hope that my fall courses are somewhat more relevant to my prospective career. Thankfully, we had to read one book, which is probably the most valuable thing I will take away from the class. I read The Courage to Teach by Parker J. Palmer--- there are certainly some "hokey" parts, as I call them, but overall, Palmer brings up some worthwhile points. I'm unsure as to whether it was truly appropriate for a power point presentation, but never mind that.

Today I really wanted to lay in the sun, sip a pina colada, and read some books. Ha! The harder I try to get skin cancer/a tan, the more it rains, Elseigh sleeps for less than 30 minutes, or I have a truck load of homework!!! I suppose later on I will be grateful for a few less sun spots or wrinkles or skin that needs to be removed.

When my husband leaves for Mexico with the youth group, I have BIG plans! No, really! I'm going to visit a friend in big KC! My to-do list includes shopping, going to parks/museums, the zoo, reading, watching movies, and trying to be social!

I finally saw V for Vendetta. It was interesting. In general I liked it and I understood why my Brit-Lit prof continually referred to it. However, there were some very cheesy and dramatically silly/gory and just plain strange parts. The basis of the film was really good. It reminded me that there is a fine line between the freedom to find the truth for yourself and saying that truth is relative. Whenever we as humans try to impose our own truths and beliefs on others in a forceful manner, we are overstepping our bounds. Rarely does anyone benefit from this. Look at the problems that have sprung from attempts at religious conversion throughout history. Trying to make anyone conform to you precisely will not help them, or you. God has always given man freedom. He gave it to us wholly, otherwise He would have stopped Adam and Eve in the garden. God does not require us to love Him, and it is not my job to require others to share my convictions. However, this does not mean that truth is relative, what's right for you is right for you.
God is not offended by our questions. He is bigger than our fears, our doubts, He can stick up for Himself. He is not insecure, which is at least part of the reason He does not withhold from us the freedom of choice, freedom of will. I think everyone in this world is looking for something and I believe with my whole being that Jesus is that something. However, I can only hope, or even pray, that someday others would reach the same conclusion. If God is real, then He will let you know it. And maybe, just maybe, the life I live (not my instructions, not even the words I speak) might help to show how real He is.

Thanks for listening-
Ashley

excuse me

2007-06-17T22:24:00.000-05:00

I don't exactly have any central theme for today. It's Father's day, but here at my house, it's been a rather strange one. I'm becoming obsessed with finding a new ring tone. I want something fun, but also something positive--- one that people wouldn't mind hearing at the doctor's office or in line at the grocery store, or one that won't embarrass me at school (should I forget to turn off my ringer) or at church. What's the best ring tone you've ever heard? Sometimes the really funny ones are the spoken ones. There's one called "annoying ring" (I think) and it's hilarious!

I read an article in the newspaper today about a young woman who died from anti-inflammatory cream. This isn't exactly new news, but I was saddened by this tragedy. I'm not exactly a distance runner, but I'm working up my mileage little by little, so I was quite surprised by it. Runner's World doesn't talk about it much in their magazine, if at all, so I'm uncertain of the popularity of these drugs. My husband often complains about his legs aching, so my soon to be doctor of physical therapy friend said he needs to drink OJ after he works out! No Bengay for him, phew! OJ smells much better!

Moving right along. Today at church I was feeling pretty emotional, and not the good kind. But, I was desperately trying to let go and give it all to God, which consisted of me praying pretty much throughout the entire service. At the end of the sermon, our pastor said something that really hit home. I know it was said for me, you know those times when God just says something and it hits a chord in your inmost being--- he said that "God doesn't expect us to be perfect, no one's perfect, you're not and I'm not. God only wants us to live a life worthy of Him. " He also said that, as our pastor, his only focus is not how many of us show up on Sundays or if we follow certain regimens, but only if we are living our lives in a manner worthy of God.

It's funny how hearing the truth from other people is so much more remarkable than telling yourself! I'm also constantly overcome by the fact that God is totally about giving us everything we need, not just physically, but even when it comes to women's (characteristically 'petty') emotions. He alone will continue to speak to us the words we need to hear, and I'm so grateful He never tires in the repetition. And I'm thankful that there was a definite purpose in my hearing this "Father's Day" sermon!

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding to you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of our house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:5-9

Music to my ears?

2007-06-16T15:36:00.000-05:00

Just the other day I decided it had been WAY too long since I had put any new tunes on my ipod. After finding a number of awesome songs, I decided to look through the various genres and the most popular songs within them. To my surprise I found a very catchy song! But will you ever believe me that the entire hip-hop tune is about lip gloss? The beat is great and the lyrics are, well, not going to leave a lasting impression, at least not once you have managed to get the song out of your head again! So, if you haven't heard any of "Lip Gloss" by Lil Mama. Go check it out for a laugh, just make sure you're alone. :)

2007-06-13T22:03:00.001-05:00

I have this notion that I'm supposed to be perfect. Where, may I ask, did I get this idea? Was this an expectation implanted in my brain at an early age? And how, exactly, did this expectation reach to the level that it has? How is it that instead of doing something or saying something that might not be perfect, I choose to not make a mistake. I readily admit, all too often, this is a much bigger mistake. When did I decide that if I was going to do something that I should do it perfectly?

I also must assert that many people feel God expects humans to strive to be perfect. God wants us to love Him, and to know Him. Greater love for Him and greater knowledge of Him results in an amazing relationship with Him. The outcome of that is we will become more like Him. And yes, God is perfect, but He requirement from us is never perfection, that is our own assertion. Somehow, I can always straighten it out on paper, but in my heart I have jumbled it up once more. I choose not to do something for fear that I will fail. Or I choose not to do another thing because I will not do it as perfectly as I would like.

I choose not to write, or blog because of the immediate exposure. The vulnerability is a heavy weight on my heart. Yet ultimately, I have to come back to the reality that words mean very little in this world, and I admit that I tend to take myself too seriously from time to time.

I am reading a book called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. Wow. This is certainly applicable to me in so many areas of my life and heart right now. Many times throughout the day I need to recognize what really matters, and focus on the one the really matters and trust in Him. I am not at all trying to say that this is the point of the book, but it's the best paraphrase I can get right now, and I haven't picked it up in a few days.

In our technology saturated world, it is dreadfully sad that we need to write out our thoughts just so we'll have them before they're interrupted. I think too many of us never bother to feel half of life because we've rushed through it or turned the channel or hit fast-forward or mute, or turned up our i-pod even louder. Using technology to "get away" is such a cop-out, and one I'm definitely guilty of. What's happened to our brains when we can't even process our feelings without writing them down. Are we emotionally retarded by the media at hand? With the world at our fingertips, who would choose to sort through the agony this life often brings us?

I suppose there's one tiny spot in everyone's world where reality will always surface--- those last few moments of wakefulness. And, YET AGAIN- perhaps this is why we need Ambien or Lunesta. The feelings we supress throughout our wakeful state rise to the surface and we cannot drift off to sleep; we may not accept these emotions, and we may not even have the slightest capability of being able to deal with them. So, who do we call? A friend or pastor, a relative or loved one, a trusted counselor? No, a doctor. Here's your prescription, hope it helps.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against doctors. I'm not even sure I truly have a problem with sleep medicine. However, I do think that we all too often blame our problems on things that are not the culprit. Why? Because it would be easier. It's a lot easier for me to turn on the TV than to really figure out how I'm feeling. It's more convenient for me to ramble on about nothing than to truly listen.

Okay--- enough friends, that may be all the feelings I can muster up right now. Good night.

Today

2007-06-02T17:24:00.001-05:00

Once again, I have been entirely absent from the blog world. In case it's not obvious enough, I have a great deal of trouble with being consistant. I have hundreds of goals and aspirations, but rarely the time or energy for half of them. My heart wants to show all my friends and family how much I love them, but the reality is, I often don't.

As this summer begins, I have been faithfully running, which is great for my weight-loss efforts. However, I have also been just as faithful in my consumption of the glorious energy-containing substance we call FOOD. In just a couple of days I will be heading back to school. Ugh. On the one hand I'm releieved, my schedule will once again be jammed full. But at the same time, I know there will be too many things on my to-do lists that will get knocked off the page. This summer, I've made goals for physical fitness, spiritual goals, academic goals and relational goals. So far, they aren't going too bad. Like I said, I have been running regularly. I would love to register for a 5k race in July, but there are so few races in this area! I have not started memorizing any new verses, I need to get with it there. I have been reading this remarkable book/study called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. This is really relative to my life right now, and there is quite a bit to swallow. Academically, I started reading Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy. I haven't made it too far. I read a page or two of The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison but before I knew it, it was due back to the library. Relationally, well, that's going decently with my peer friends and with Jon as well. Super.

I still have such a difficult time blogging here, I think in part because some blogs are so tightly focused. Well folks, that's not me. There are times when my world seems as small as a pea, but most often it comes close to overwhelming me entirely. If it weren't for Jesus, well, I wouldn't be sitting here with the peace I have. There are times when I feel so inadequate, but then I remember that the only confidence I am to have or even need is confidence in God. He is my only security. I beleive there was a verse in my email box the other day about this. Perhaps this is a verse I will memorize this summer.

Ha! I knew when I created this blog that it's title would be so important. Arbitrary- random. Life is full, life is random. Some times its randomness is exhausting, other times exhilirating. The same is true of my thoughts! Sometimes I want to stop thinking, other times I wish I could think all day.

teehee- when I was young I wrote a poem that started with "sometimes..." not funny for me to tell you about, but a funny memory I share with a friend.

Well, this is my world today. I went for a 3-mile jog. Took my daughter to the zoo. Cleaned the kitchen (hard-core cleaning/mopping). Talked on the phone for about 10 minuts. Searched for 5k's in July 4th. Posted this blog. I'm outta here.

Since I didn't speak up in class today

2007-04-19T01:28:00.000-05:00

Today in class I actually had a decent observation. But, did I raise my hand ever so slightly to let the teacher know I got what he was saying? No, I let him ramble on. Sure, I waited to see if he would leave a break for anyone else to insert their ideas, but I did not interject mine. As T.S. Eliot's Prufrock would have done, I did "not force the moment to its crisis."
So, today we were discussing T.S. Eliot's "The Wasteland" and it occurred to me that the sight of spring in April is referred to as the cruelest month, not just because April symbolizes life--- but because at the sight of Spring, there is hope, hope that life will be new and not the way it was before, and this is cruel because this hope is barren and life, according to Eliot, was not new, nothing could be trusted in and life is depressing and there is no order, no hope, no Spring in life, not ever.
Unfortunately, I don't think this little thought is enough for me to write another paper over... nor am I sure I want to make the time to develop it. I will confess that I'm sad we didn't cover "Hollow Men," and I may find myself submitting an optional paper because of it.

Why is it that the professors that are the most challenging are those you want most to please? I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that we live up to the expectations set before us or some psychological idea like that. I'm certain this will be very important to me when I am on the other side of the grade book.
I cannot wait for the semester to end so I can at least skim some of the books my professors have cited as I've stared back blankly at them! Heh, of course I've read The Catcher in the Rye, but I don't think I got it... I liked his sarcasm, that's all I remember.
It's late. My brain is scattered... I was supposed to go to sleep early since I didn't join my daughter in her nap. Once again, the joke's on me!

Late Night's Really AREN'T Your Friend

2007-04-15T00:50:00.000-05:00

So, despite the fact that I continuously stay up entirely too late nearly every night, it appears I have yet to truly learn my lesson. Of course I was going to go to sleep nearly 3 hours ago (as I say every night), but then it was brought to my attention that x had not been accomplished. Ironically, it didn't occur to me last night that x was my online math assignment and I went to sleep without finishing it.
It's been a really rough week, and I know that there are parts of my heart that I really should be blogging about, but I think most everyone would admit that the energy sucked out of you during times of growth and maturation do not exactly leave an abundance for, well, anything. And, since there's only one person that knows about my blog... I know I won't be disappointing too many people by not staying up later to wake up feeling even more exhausted tomorrow.
I have only a couple more thoughts for now... One- Praise God that the semester of 3 English courses is nearly over!!! Two- Just because your two year old knows how to tell you she's poopy and knows that poop goes into diapers and toilets, doesn't mean she won't poop in her friends bathtub! HAHA- Life is... (at times) poopy like that.

Please Don't Read the Date/Time of Every Entry!

2007-04-04T23:57:00.000-05:00

Haha! I know I could have written one really long and scattered blog, but for everyone's sanity, I have broken them up. So, if I wouldn't have titled this blog the way I have, then perhaps no one would have ever noticed. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm still working on the whole "you don't always have to tell everyone everything..." in regards to my boundary issues. But, since this isn't a therapy session (technically,) I think I'll finally move on to what I wanted to say in this blog.

I've been running! HOORAY! In the last 7 days, I have gone jogging 4 times! (I could have said I've gone jogging 3 of the last 4 days... both are great!) Today, I jogged for 3 miles straight. Honestly, it was difficult, but I know that in all areas of life getting through the difficult times are what make the better times that much better, and in some cases easier. It's not what anyone wants to hear when they are going through the crummy valleys in life, but it's the honest truth.

TOPIC CHANGE: I'm actually up late with the intention of writing a thesis statement and some form of an outline on Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. Thankfully, I finally know what I want text I will be writing about. But, I am not completely sure of my exact thesis and direction. Overall I want to argue that this is an exceptional work and the importance of this book in terms of the lessons and insight that can be gleaned from it are exactly why EVERYONE should read it. With that said, I think I might cut, paste and sign off. Good night.

The Weekend is Coming

2007-04-04T23:51:00.000-05:00

Easter is just around the corner! I am much more excited about Easter this year than I have been in years past. I think this is in part due to my daughter's ability to participate in some small ways. Last week in Sunday school she was taught "Jesus is alive" which actually sounds like "Dezuh Wive" or at times "Jesus" reminds me of "Pizza" instead, mostly we just listen for the "wive" part and then we understand. So, ever since then, I've enjoyed talking to her about Jesus and that Easter is coming. She has a book about the colors in the Easter basket representing different aspect of Easter, and I've enjoyed reading it to her because she knows most of the colors well enough that she will point to the object that is the color we are reading about. AND, this year, for Easter we will give her her very first Bible!

O What A Day

2007-04-04T23:37:00.000-05:00

It's dreadful to be one of those people that really need deadlines. I often have great intentions to make time for blogging, but... it doesn't happen. I'm thrilled that the one person I've confided in (as to starting a blog) has continued to check in on me, and I'm simultaneously releived that I have not shared this fact with too many others.
I suppose the day will come when I will log on and actually write about my experiences and thoughts for the day, rather than merely offering some guilt-ridden explanation for having neglected this creation.
I had my wisdom teeth removed. Ouch!--What's worse is that I only had 2 to take out! As if the pain from surgery weren't enough, I was fortunate enough to experience a DRY SOCKET! When people tell you they HURT, they aren't kidding! I'm certain it didn't hurt worse than a kidney stone, and it might not have been as bad as back-labor (with an 9 lb baby,) but I would have rather gone through birthing another child than to have had a dry socket. What people forget to tell you when they say "oh man, those suck" is that they "suck" for at least a week!!! And if you go to your surgeon for "treatment" (which actually consists of stuffing the hole in your jaw with a string soaked in some rancid, bitter-clove tasting medicine) you have to keep seeing him every other day to switch out the "dressings!" But it doesn't matter how awful it tastes or that you have to drive to the other side of town when he's at the "East" office, because you can think, and you're pain is reduced to such a small amount that you literally FEEL human again! It's phenomenal!
Phew--- the days of dry socket are somewhat fading, although now I have the pleasure of sticking a syringe in the hole in my jaw and flushing it with water after each meal! This sure has cut down on my calorie-consumption far more than the actual teeth extractions ever did!

I'm still here

2007-03-16T15:07:00.000-05:00

So despite my initial enthusiasm for this blog, life got took hold of me and it appeared as though it would never let go. But with the onset of Spring Break, aha! I have broken free! Now, my only task is try to recover from brain/life overload! I fear that I have forgotten what the purpose of my blog really is, but I'm sure in time, it will present itself. It's nice that so many blogs have such a narrow focus. Perhaps this is only possible when people have multiple blogs, or maybe they have concise, focused lives. How boring!
I'm actually very surprised at how intimidating it is to write a blog, being an English Education major. With this in mind, I must remind myself that this is exactly why I need to write a blog: to improve my writing, vocabulary, and especially to work on my grammar! I laugh at myself when I think of how silly this is to the common reader, but it's just how I am. I have a particular professor who seems to feel I use too many explicit words, and he's probably right. But you see, to me, it just seems like more words must be better, more words will certainly not cloud the meaning of my sentences. He wrote on a paper of mine about when writers "befuddle their readers" and the reader has to re-read something, they have failed in their writing. Ouch--but well said professor!
Spring Break is here and I have merely 3 goals (and a few more minor things to focus on): one, to see all the people that I have planned on seeing before I have my wisdom teeth removed, read Frankentstein, and to use my extractions to lose a few pounds before next week's weigh-in. Ever since Jon and I have joined Weight Watchers, we have done fairly well at losing weight each week. I'm hoping that since most my girlfriend's and I will be going out to eat to "catch up" on things, that the weight I gain from those festive times will melt off when I can't eat! Let's cross our fingers on this!
My daughter and I took a nap this afternoon. I slept for nearly 2 hours and she is still sleeping after nearly 3.5 hours! No wonder she's been less than angelic!
Since I really have nothing left in my brain to discuss intellegently, I think I will head over to some other blogs and enjoy someone else's life.

My Emergence Into BLOG WORLD

2007-03-02T16:57:00.000-06:00

So, here I am. I've been contemplating the start of this blog for quite some time. Yet, somehow I know very little about this entire blog-world. It's as though I'm straining for my first breath. I have no idea what I'm getting myself into... Well, I certainly have some ideas. I hope to have time to add more later, but for now I must leave. WOW! I feel like a 6 year old that just received a new puppy! HA! Let's see how many nights I'm up blogging (perhaps FAR beyond the new puppy owner.)

a solitary drop

His love is strong.

Waiting

Perfectly Orchestrated.

Worship and Sacrifice.

2011

Heart Ramblings on the 2010 "Holiday Season"

Reassurance

let me just say

Hope Gleaned. Thoughts on Friendship.

*CRUSH*

Friends & Seasons

So many reasons to smile...

Not much HerE!

%^#&* #)@$!!!

bath time marvels

It's that time of year

Christmas Letter Part II

A Question...

So this is Christmas

the first issue with christmas

a shower thought

Oops!

Learning

November is longer than the other months with only 30 days...

Good Thought

Poem

Just Because

Hmmm.

On articles and internet connectedness

Today's Random Musing

On blindness

Is all this REALLY necessary?

The first of many endeavors for 2009

Yes, I beleive I did, in fact, fall of the face of the earth

Check it out!

On the Hunt

one more thing.

utilizing brief periods of downtime

Drive Carefully

Before Another Month Rolls By...

Trying to do it all...

laugh a little

time flies when...

test, test, test 1.

I'm going to make it.

Too much to grade... too much to write!

Worth your time...

Thanks!

I'd like to dream more

UNIQUELY MADE

You've got to be kidding me!

Life's purpose in blogworld

words

Growing, Prioritizing.

Calloused?

So I have this fear. . .

My fascination with "Ellipsis dots"

fat lip or black eye?

Ring! Ring!

Oh Really!?

excuse me

Music to my ears?

Today

Since I didn't speak up in class today

Late Night's Really AREN'T Your Friend

Please Don't Read the Date/Time of Every Entry!

The Weekend is Coming

O What A Day

I'm still here

My Emergence Into BLOG WORLD

CRUSH