Worship and Sacrifice.

True, authentic worship. It's not about doing what makes me feel good. Although I love to sing praises  and often feel God's love being poured over me when I worship, that's not what it's about.

One day as I stood singing in church I thought about how much I would just love, love, LOVE to just sing and pray and worship God all day, every day---and how awesome it will be in heaven to do that. But then I stopped. Because then I heard how selfish that was and how, at least part of the reason I would love to do nothing more than stand in worship is because I like how worship makes ME feel.

Ouch.

Don't get me wrong, we have been made to love and worship God, and we should feel His peace and warmth and joy when we worship. What about the times when the songs aren't ones I like or something else is distracting me during this hour of musical praise?
And what about sacrifice? We don't take our prized possessions(animals) to the priest to have them properly sacrificed anymore---we recognize that Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice--He paid the price of our sins so now we are free to go to the Father through Him. BUT---does that mean we are "off the hook?" Is that really IT? We just go about living our lives and get "warm fuzzies" from Jesus when we need it?

No.

Authentic worship means surrender.

Stop and think about what "real sacrifice" and "genuine surrender" mean---in your life. As in, today.

We submit our will. Our plans. It means we get and we live in a way that shows we will never forget that our life is NOT our own. And to our carnal, selfish minds that can be scary because it means that nothing is off limits.

Nothing.

Not our relationships, not the movies we watch, the music we listen to, the gossip we share, the lies we tell (ourselves), the judgments we pass, the food we eat, or the habitual sin(s) we ignore because it's/they are  "no big deal." Our thought lives, our careers, the way we spend our time and money, our plans, hopes, dreams… those aren't our own either.

My Life---is not my own.

You were bought for a price. So bring glory to God in the way you use your body. 1 Corinthians 6:20

And apparently, I needed more confirmation and wisdom because I read this yesterday, "When you know a thing, and do it, immediately you know more. Revise where you have become stodgy spiritually, and you will find it goes back to a point where there was something you knew you should do, but you did not do it because there seemed no immediate call to, and now you have no perception, no discernment; at a time of crisis you are spiritually distracted instead of spiritually self-possessed. It is a dangerous thing to refuse to go on knowing. The counterfeit of obedience is a state of mind in which you work up occasion to sacrifice yourself; ardor is mistaken for discernment." -Oswald Chambers (emphasis mine)

I cannot read the passage above without being reminded of 1 Thessalonians 5 :19---"Do not quench the Spirit."

So what then? What are you still holding on to? Until you're putting it all out there… you're missing out! I want to be used by God and to live in such a way that shows I want nothing more than to be COMPLETELY open to and transformed by Him. I don't want to hold anything back because I don't want Him to keep any of His goodness from me.

 I've got stuff He wants me to let go of, and it feels really good to really let Him work and lead the way in molding my heart and life. What are you holding on to? Where have you told God He's off limits? Where is your faith shaky, your trust lacking?  There are seasons in life where we come to realize that pruning needs to be done, and my prayer is that we are willing to be immediately obedient in letting Him work wherever He chooses.

And that, is true worship.

Enjoy.

2011

I know it's so cliché to talk about new year's resolutions and growth and renewal. But really, that's pretty important this time of year. In years past, it really hasn't been something I've dwelt on--other than making a few lame, lacking resolutions I'd forgotten about the fourth day of the year (okay, the third). But this year, I've been blessed with a lot more time of solitude. (Thanks to the DH for working about 30 extra hours last week!) I've had time to ask: when most of the decorations have been put away and the excitement/exhaustion of Christmas has faded away, what are we to focus on?

I don't care if you resolved to be more organized or to floss your teeth everyday. It doesn't matter to me if you check off all your workout appointments or stayed within budget. Do you know what does matter to me? That you have taken the time to really assess where you are at the start of this year. If you haven't already, TODAY, sit and honestly evaluate where you are in your relationships, your health,  your financial situation, your organization and time management. Where are you spiritually? Are you spiritually dragging in your walk with Christ? Maybe assessing all of those areas is too much. Just look at your relationship with God and one thing really heavy in your life right now. How are you doing, really?

 Something God has been teaching (and re-teaching!) me is that He is the only one that can cause real change in my life. My humanness gets me every. single. time.  I can try to muster up some willpower and use the latest gadget or expert strategy to tackle my glaring faults. I can get a little motivated by watching something inspirational on TV. But that won't bring lasting change. It might help for a day, provided nothing stressful happens that day (HAHA!). Rather than pretend I can "keep it all together," why not admit, right up front, that I can do nothing without His strength? Why not ask Him for the help we need?

The start of this year has been an adventure---and has it ONLY been a week!?! I can honestly tell you God has answered more than one of my pleas for help and change and blessing. I don't mean to leave a big, gaping, vague hole here, but I'm not quite ready to share about it here just yet.

My prayer for you this year is my own prayer for 2011. That we'll start each day looking forward. That we'll take a moment to breathe deep, really deep. And rather than focusing on the lists before us, that we'll praise God for the big things He does as well as all the little things we so often take for granted. That we'll stop pretending and be more real with God and with each other than we've EVER been. That we'll ask God, honestly, what He wants…and then listen with open hearts. That we'll learn to love in practical ways. That we'll grab onto what He has for us and not let go (or compare it to what He has for the person beside us)!

My heart has been bursting with things to write about this week. And this is not one of them! This is not the easiest post to hit "publish" on, either. It's not neatly organized or well-thought out. But, it's where I am, through and through. Today, let's be where we are and seek Him to lead us right where He wants us to be, despite the awkward or pain we might feel in taking those first steps.

My verses for 2011: 

Jeremiah 29:4-20 

&

 Proverbs 3:5-12

  (The MSG really strikes me in a new way--I encourage you to compare different versions!) 

(A side note---I'm not the biggest fan of Jeremiah 29:11, although it's true and I claim it.

 Read this to discover why I went back to read & fall in love with the WHOLE+ chapter again!)

"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else I'll make sure you won't be disappointed" (Jeremiah  29:12-14 MSG)

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

  don't try to figure everything out on your own.

Listen to God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

    He's the one who will keep you on track.

Don't assume you know it all.

   Run to God! Run from evil!

 Your body will glow with health,

    your very bones will vibrate with life!"

(Proverbs 3:5-8 MSG)

Only in community is a Holy life REAL. ( see Proverbs 18:1)

Heart Ramblings on the 2010 "Holiday Season"

A few weeks ago I sat down to write and realized I was about to enter the holiday season. All I could muster up was an emphatic "UGH!" It was just a few months earlier I eagerly played Christmas music during the late-summer's heat! How could I be so disenchanted by "the most wonderful time of the year"!?!  Instead of dragging my feet into this season... this is what happened.

     I decided I need to have a "new" focus for this Christmas, Christ! The gift of life, the ultimate humble, selfless sacrifice of love. And because of this I'm probably not sending out any Christmas cards. I'm probably not planning family photos (I've decided the New Year might be a more appropriate time for that). I'm considering making some candy, but that's not even a sure thing. This year, I'm not just going to do any of those things out of obligation.

     I do plan to spend more time in God's word and in prayer. I want to give to others, to those near to me, and those in places not overwhelmed by the excessiveness of Western culture. Where they might worry about a clean house, but they have dirt floors. I want to be abundantly aware of how immensely SPOILED I am. 

     I think we say frivolously say "oh, we are so 'blessed' to live here or to have all these nice things," but isn't that grossly understated? Somehow we think we need cathdral ceilings and to have our homes or bodies look like those in the magazines we read. 

     Reality check! We are not just fortunate but we are richly, abundantly, blessed in ways we rarely realize. We live in a country where we are given the opportunity to learn to read, write, work, be paid for that work, experience a huge amount of freedom, justice and privacy. Yet many of us feel entitled to be free of things such as: disease, crabby and stubborn people, consequences for poor choices, back-breaking hard work, accidents, hindrances and a stressful situations. No wonder we experience devastation when life goes differently than we planned---a flood, tornado or hurricane ARE devastating when they destroy the materials we've grown to love and depend on. O how I want to be blessed by the beauty around me---but not be distracted by it!!! 

     Beyond my comfortable and luxurious life are people hurting and people with needs I know little of. The man sitting across from me might be grieving in a way I cannot comprehend. A child on my street might not know what hope is because of a life of abuse and abandonment. My heart breaks for the pain of an amount of individuals I cannot comprehend and the host of pain they experience. Yet God knows every detail and the extent of every pain, He catches every tear. How BIG is He and His LOVE---that He can handle all that hurt. And He doesn't just cope with it. He grieves with us, He never leaves, and He alone knows and IS the path to healing. He is our hope. 

     Thank you for tagging along on my heart's tangent. But really, it brings me back to Christmas. He's the only way I can focus on what matters this season. Each person that Christ came to the earth for matters. YOU are the reason He came. 

     So my hope is to let Him show me how I can love you this season. If I send a card, make or give something, it's going to have my heart in it. If anyone feels His love through something I've done---it's only because of His power and for His glory. 

     Stay in His peace this season! He's really not about the hustle or bustle... but I know you can find Him there, too! Merry Christmas!

Enjoy.

Reassurance

I'm not sure why I'm prefacing this blog with an introduction...

A couple of months ago I was listening to Matt Redman's "The Heart of Worship." For many reasons this is one of those songs you can go back to time and time again. But, there's a portion of this song that I have never sung in church before. "You shall not share Your glory with another." What a powerful and true statement. So, I was listening to this song and thinking about attributes of God and this is what I was thinking about and writing:

The narcissism of our culture--of humanity.
My own selfishness. ugh.

And yet He is still in love with me. 

He loves me beyond measure.

 I'd say "whole-heartedly" but He IS love---so He couldn't possibly love me in any portion.

No matter how we are---He does not let go.
If we are filled with arrogance and pride----He does not let go.
If we are writhing on the floor in shame---He does not let go. 
When we are so self-absorbed and insist on doing it our own way and living in our own strength---He doesn't let go. 
When we can't bear the pain to open our eyes, when we can't see---He doesn't let go. 
When we take the credit for life going well, when we can't stand the noise of life-the chaos and havoc---He does not let go.


He has NOT let go of YOU either. 
(Which kind of reminds me of another Matt Redman song!)

When it comes to authentic surrender to the Savior

You aren't grasping for a safety net.

It's not there!

(You. Don't. Need. It.)

Scripture reassures us, "No one who trusts God like this--heart and soul--will ever regret it." It's exactly the same no matter what a person's religious background may be the same God for all of us, acting the same incredibly generous way to everyone who calls out for help. "Everyone who calls, 'Help, God!' gets help." Romans 10:11-13 (MSG)

Enjoy.

let me just say

I've had some thoughts here lately... that I *think* will make it here. But whenever I take a moment to blog...
POOF!
Those things I was going to say--are gone!

Hope Gleaned. Thoughts on Friendship.

There's more. But this is all I can muster up.

Life's so F U L L. Full of chaos. Full of change.

Full of garbage. Full of all the things we don't need. 

But it's also filled with things we do need. 

Filled with peace and love and HOPE. 

I have recently had the pleasure of having some very memorable conversations. Some of them were deep, some of them were awesome, and some were just raw life. I wrote a few days ago about my friendships and even since then things have blossomed. And I'm grateful. Some dear friends are going through some very intense times and I've had them on my mind. A LOT. But, I'm not worried about them, I know they will be fine. But they have certainly been heavy on my heart. HEAVY. The beautiful thing? Instead of being ready to run for the hills and pray they don't call me, hoping that they make it out alive without dragging me into their drama, I've been so drawn to them. I want to call them and text them and plan a sleepover just like when we were younger.

I used to think that the friendships you had as a kid would always be close to your heart... After all, during those awkward teen years, who could know you any better? They went through the highs and lows WITH you. Those were the years of my truest friendships. There were no boys to seperate us. No fiance's or husbands, no screaming infants or blabbing children. There were very few bills to pay and meals to cook (chips & salsa is considered a meal, right?). There were the endless hours on the phone and sleepless nights where we contemplated every possibility of the future. There were poems and singing, O glorious singing!

I was as real as I could possibly be during those years and I've carried away a wealth of treasure from them. But despite those blessings, as I began to navigate adulthood, I began to question whether or not that same level of depth could ever develop (or be sustained) later in life. They WERE close to my heart, but could that ever return to present-tense?

Recently, I've concluded that the beauty of childhood friends is not lost with the responsibilites of adulthood. It can be. It can mean that we push each other away. It can mean that we are more worried about the laundry and dishes than connections. It can mean not fully disclosing ourselves, our hopes, our fears. We can choose to stop asking our friends the big (read: heavy) questions. We can choose to hide our biggest failures and frustrations. We can hide behind a myriad of walls (jobs, spouse, media, activities etc.). We can, very easily, make sure we don't have time to invest in each other. We can pretend that things are so different and we are so different.
But we aren't. 
And we don't have to.
We don't have to go through the messiness of life alone. 

It takes guts to pick up the phone. It's hard to know how to start. Sometimes it's hard to tell someone how anxious, scared, worried, hopeful you are about your marriage, your baby, your finances, your family, your body or your future children. Sometimes we are so used to saying "Oh, I'm fine" and quickly citing the weather or how we lost our contact this morning. But what else?

Oh, I know. I know that it doesn't just come out. It doesn't just happen that you pour your heart out. Your heart has to be full before it begins pouring out. That stuff has to be brewing inside before it's ready. Timing is important and so is the vessel you're pouring it into. You can't just pour it into someone that you're not sure is really concerned. Your "sensitive material" can only be given to someone you know understands how precious it is. Someone that knows you're not nearly as strong or confident as you appear and won't ever throw anything back in your face. Someone that has, somehow genuinely invested her heart in you.

My husband has frequently reminded me of my own loyalties and of the HIGH value I place on relationships. It's true, but I've never seen it so vividly. Relationships are a HUGE vessel of change. They are the vessels of peer pressure and destruction as well as hope and redemption. Those positive relationships are the voices of warning when we are wandering and the encouraging words during our storms. They are so much more than the words in every self-help book or logical answer. They are the words and peace and hope and joy and love of our Savior in flesh. And without them... yes, I would be lost. LOST.