Friends & Seasons

Our memories are often not reliable or accurate accounts of the realities we've experienced. I get that. But I've been reminded, with small little snippets of where and how far I've come over that last few years. Praise God for His provision and how He shows us how far He's brought us!


Throughout my school years, I was always pretty happy. I was fortunate enough to have some really great childhood friends and a stable journey through middle school. I never planned to meet my husband in high school, but I did. Unlike many others, I never really felt like I had experienced anything too socially difficult. But marrying at 19 and having my first daughter at 22 was a period of intense change. Change that, for the most part, I was eager to encounter, but could not have known how much I would be stretching and growing.

It was a time in my life where the friends that I'd always connected with were still out living richly exciting lives, spending their time with enriching experiences. They might have been considering others in terms of their weekend plans, but they certainly weren't waking to feed a newborn. My (slightly) older, friends from work and church were blessings in many ways, but weren't new to marriage or motherhood. They were great examples and sources of encouragement but not floundering around like I was. I remember times of extreme loneliness. I remember not feeling like there was anyone I could really count on or deeply connect with. Most of my single friends were immensely busy and those with multiple children were overly busy with their own families. I went through so many stages of mourning between 19 and 24 largely because I couldn't quite grasp all the changes that had occurred. I knew that I was where I was supposed (and had chosen) to be, doing what I was supposed to be doing, but it was also such a hard time. 

More than 5 years after my first daughter was born, my perspective (and circumstances) has drastically changed. A lot of the friends I had then are still there and the ones that were encouraging, still are. MANY of the friends that were out experiencing things that you do not experience when you're married at 19 with a baby at 22 are now married and a lot of them are starting families. A little part of me is jealous because so many of them are surrounded by other friends going through the same transitions with them. But really, truly, I'm just glad I've already gone through that part. I'm glad I can offer them support, empathy and prayers without having to travel that road with them. I have excitement for them that I wouldn't have had a few years ago. I can let them know that they aren't alone if they're overwhelmed and I can rejoice when they are high on life. And finally, I have friends that are single. Some of them have been through tough times relationally, and others are still continuing a journey that just naturally extended from college. They too, are near and dear to my heart even though I can't stage a "playdate" as an excuse to talk to them!


I'm so thankful for the broad spectrum of women in my life I can call friends. They are in so many different places and when they share portions of their journey, it allows me to appreciate my own. Don't get me wrong, I'm often sad that there's too little time in my (and their) schedule to see many of them very often, but their diverse worlds enrich mine. So over the last few years, everything that I felt was lacking in my friendships has been restored. Largely, I'm sure it's because of my perspective and maturation (I'm confident of this because, with few exceptions, most of my friends are the same). Regardless of the reason, I'm so thankful to have so many women to try to squeeze in some time with.