test, test, test 1.

Test post.

 

This is a test. This is only a test.

 

And hopefully I will get this deleted before anyone has read it and thinks... hmph. Nevermind.

 

 

I'm going to make it.

The papers have been written. I look forward to Thursday, when everything loathsome about this semester will be over. This week I only have 5 beloved finals, each of which I'm certain I will procrastinate studying for... by doing things like THIS:

This will be most enjoyable if you know my 70+ year old step-dad!
My family of elves. One big happy family. I think I could watch this for hours.

I have an embarrassing story I sent out in a mass email, it's not that embarrassing... it was suggested I post it. I've been slacking on my reading, blog reading, hmph... pretty much a lot of things I would have rather done! Well, you can't make the honor roll without some sacrifice!

I will...eventually.

Too much to grade... too much to write!

My poor professors are going to have to do a lot of grading over the next few weeks. How do I know this? Because I still have 3 major papers to WRITE! (And this doesn't include the easy, short kinds of papers/assignments)

So, while I have no time to blog now... I know the tide will turn and winter break will be here soon!

Oh how I wish I could just wiggle my nose and have the research portion completed!

Worth your time...

I'm not too into forwards or links (nor am I confident that I even now how to link), but you're sure to get a smile from these.


Here's the first from Blog Meridian. This is unforgettable!

And the second... maybe. I can't get it to work. Oh well, just don't shoot me for this screw-up (I'd prefer lethal injection, if that's what it comes to).

Thanks!

I spent last Sunday morning teaching in my daughter's toddler class at church. Although they have what is probably a great curriculum, I realized that for her age the main objective was to say "we thank God" as much as possible. (I suddenly understood how she had learned "Jesus wive"--meaning alive-- during Easter).
It's a pretty easy step, to say thank you, but we rarely say it enough. As soon as my daughter started talking I realized that I needed to say please and thank you a whole lot more if she was ever really going to get it. But now I must ask if I say thank you enough to the people that matter? Do I show my gratitude to God, not out of obligation, but purely from a thankful heart?

I'm thankful for the people God has placed in my life, those here, others that used to be. Most of these people have made my life much richer, and a few, God has used to help me grow (or both). I'm grateful for my family and friends that continue to hope in and encourage me. For the struggles and triumphs in life; for the endless possibility of growth God gives me in each day. His endurance (love and patience) exhausts me.

I'm grateful for you. Those of you that visit here frequently---just for showing up. Your presence and comments encourage me on many levels. At least I'm not literally talking to myself!

What are you most thankful for today?
This day I'm thankful for:
Freddy's Frozen Custard,
the semester's near-end,
and little potty chairs!

I'd like to dream more

Two unrelated thoughts for the moment. I'm sure there are more, but they're buried far below.

I'd like to dream more--- while I sleep. I once had a teacher that claimed to have never had a dream in color. I don't have as many crazy-fun vivid dreams as I did when I was a kid. I once had a dream that I was late for the bus, my room was done in cherry wall-paper. In real life--I rode the "short bus" since I was always bused to school. In my dream I was late, so I was trying to run out to the bus. There was only one problem I couldn't run. Of course it's usually hard to run while your in bed sleeping, but as I looked down at my fully-clothed body, I found a pair of pantyhose pulled up only to my knees!
Maybe it's not too funny to read, but it was the best dream I've ever had.

Secondly, blog world is pretty overwhelming. I'm also really glad I didn't try to read too many of them before now. There are so many incredible thoughts floating around in this realm of the world. The linking and quoting and uhmm, other things I don't even know how to refer to are all pretty amazing.

A day at a time Ashley, a day at a time...

Do you have any dreams that are especially remarkable? Do you dream in color or black-and-white?

UNIQUELY MADE

Unique is one of my favorite words. But really, that's not at all why I'm here.

I googled my daughter's first name. WOW! "Elseigh" is even more original than I imagined! (Yes, I admit I created this spelling by chopping off the "Ch" of the English spelling of Chelsea (Chelseigh))

Only two of the results are not specifically her. She is one of a kind! Praise God!


BTW- I realize I'm only blogging SO much because I'm trying to avoid studying... it will all be over soon and things should balance out.

You've got to be kidding me!

So I'm searching through the elaborate listing of cartoons and children's shows for Elseigh--- and I spot Boomerang's grouping of cartoons called "No Undies Mondays." The info button yields the following: Cartoon shorts featuring characters that do not wear pants.

I realize that MANY cartoons do not wear pants, shirts, or any other garments.

But seriously?

What's going to be on the rest of the week? Booze-day Tuesday?

Life's purpose in blogworld

All along, I have struggled with what the content of this blog should be, (which is precisely how I named it) and I'm slowly learning to not apologize for expressing my thoughts. I'm growing in the understanding that everything I say or write does not have to be perfect, nor does it have to be meaningful or completely developed. Meaning is good, but I've also found that something I find to be rather obvious is precisely what someone else would have missed had it not been spelled it out for them.

I'm learning to accept that there are going to be others who may be more eloquent than me or have large amounts of daily readers. But I also know that I am only responsible for me. I grow through writing, and at least here, I can only offer... me.

This excerpt from Thoreau's "Life Without Principle" is, in part, why I even mention any of this.

AT a lyceum, not long since, I felt that the lecturer had chosen a theme too foreign to himself, and so failed to interest me as much as he might have done. He described things not in or near to his heart, but toward his extremities and superficies. There was, in this sense, no truly central or centralizing thought in the lecture. I would have had him deal with his privatest experience, as the poet does. The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer. I am surprised, as well as delighted, when this happens, it is such a rare use he would make of me, as if he were acquainted with the tool. Commonly, if men want anything of me, it is only to know how many acres I make of their land,—since I am a surveyor,—or, at most, what trivial news I have burdened myself with. They never will go to law for my meat; they prefer the shell. A man once came a considerable distance to ask me to lecture on Slavery; but on conversing with him, I found that he and his clique expected seven-eighths of the lecture to be theirs, and only one-eighth mine; so I declined. I take it for granted, when I am invited to lecture anywhere,—for I have had a little experience in that business,—that there is a desire to hear what I think on some subject, though I may be the greatest fool in the country,—and not that I should say pleasant things merely, or such as the audience will assent to; and I resolve, accordingly, that I will give them a strong dose of myself.
(You can read the rest here.)

I'm very much aware that my life may not seem like some "great" accomplishment when I die. I may never have a full-time job and I may never publish a book. I may never touch a multitude of lives or speak to the masses. But I hope that I am remembered as a woman who grew and loved and shared; who was humble enough to admit her wrongs and strong enough to face her doubt; a woman who was in love with her God.

(And perhaps someday I'll even be able to confidently discern between the correct uses of commas, colons and semi-colons!)

words

I'm going to start adding "word" posts. It may be a new word to me, it may just be a word that delighted me or offended me that day. Or, like today it might be a word I've heard a thousand times but never quite figured out.

Facsimile:
An exact copy or reproduction, as of a document.

Others:
coffer, gild.

Growing, Prioritizing.

It's pretty remarkable how growth spurts work. I remember the pains I experienced as a preteen, and am still quite surprised to learn that growth spurts are very much the same even when they're not confined to the physical realm.

Ouch.

Part of me wants to tie this back into my thoughts on comfort.

But not today. Today has been uncomfortble enough.

Priorities will have to wait until later.

Calloused?

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be comfortable lately. I must admit that this blog is only an attempt to sort out some of the "half-thoughts" I've had so far. I think that the value of comfort is too high in our culture, comfort is, after all, some part of pleasure. But what happens when we mistake comfort for numbness? I question whether or not most people know the difference.
Today I picked up my custom-made shoe inserts, because it turns out I have these really crummy feet. "Crummy" meaning that I have high arches and it often feels like my weight is supported by about 3 square inches of foot. As a result, I have incredibly thick calluses. Big deal, right? Having a callus on your foot probably isn't going to hurt you too much, given its function. But, let's flip to emotional callousness. We become hardened as a means of protection, which is probably good at the time. Once the thing (person or situation) that caused the callus is gone, then what are we to do? That callousness is not going to vanish on its own and it may take some time before you're convinced that your hardened extra layers are unnecessary. Removing the physical callus is probably less difficult than removing the emotional kind. And, unlike band-aids, calluses aren't formed overnight and they cannot simply be ripped off, nor will the original surface conditions ever be fully recovered.
Comfort. It's strange to think that we become comfortable with our calluses. It might be more accurately called "protected," but what is the healthy amount of risk, or protection? On one level I think there are things everyone should do that are not necessarily going to be comfortable. There are some pretty incredible "Carpe diem" quotes involving the importance of taking risks in life. But I hesitate here, because sometimes being uncomfortable means that you're not cut out for something. There are times when we are reluctant to do something, not because we fear the uncomfortableness of it, but because it's just not right.
I'm sure more thoughts on comfort are forthcoming, but for now I must face another callus-rendering activity by finishing my paper(S).

Yesterday, I found an article about something, despite its enormous popularity, I knew very little about. Despite my lack of personal knowledge, the points made are right on. Check it out here: http://www.poynter.org/column.asp?id=78&aid=132272 Roy Paul Clark accuses J.K. Rowling, of crossing the line. I do not pretend to know anything about Harry Potter or any defensive reasoning its author might have, but ugh, how could she do this? Clark makes his point in relation to literature, but what if the same thing were to happen in film? If something is pertinent enough to mention later, it should have been included in the script/article/novel... or blog.

So I have this fear. . .

So, I've been wanting to blog, but I have very little inspiration. My problem, you see, is that this has been one of those weeks which has made today into one of those days. . . I'm well aware that "one of those days" may have a different connotation for you than it does for me. I once had a middle school (student) teacher proclaim in a dumb-blonde, valley girl-esque fashion, (with head bobbing from side to side) "I think I lost my brain today!" I'm not sure she ever knew how often my friends and I mocked her and laughed for years to come. But today, more often than not, I was oh so tempted to send out a search party for my own coherent thoughts lost in the dark abyss. My world is racing ahead of me, leaving my head spinning. I'm tagging along for the ride, and thankfully my planner is there to remind me that my birthday is two, not one week away. (Yes I really did have to check). The keys on my keyboard are in a seemingly different order every two or three words, but all is well. My brain will return just as Little Bo Peep's sheep did. (I never knew the end of this nursery rhyme until reading it to my daughter!)
Up until this point, my title shouldn't quite fit in. That's because. . . as I started writing the title, I was certain that I had used it for a previous post. Two or three times I began to etch in a title, and "uh-oh, no, I think I've used that one." Which, is apparently a fear of mine?
I did see a great movie tonight: The Brave One. I was really impressed! It is well made, and I found it's producing, acting and plot to be quite thought provoking. Perhaps tomorrow I will have assembled a few of those thoughts and place them here for you.

Here's hoping your day is filled with a few naturally flowing thoughts!

My fascination with "Ellipsis dots"

So... I've been reading a grammar book. Yes that's right, a book called Keys for Writers. Despite the fact that I seem to understand how to write, I still have a lot of questions and general insecurities about English grammar. Some people seem to think that I should have to take classes on grammar, punctuation, and editing, but I don't. It's scary to realize that the more I learn, the less I can clearly recall the basics.
A sentence must have a subject and a predicate. Check. (So, "check" isn't a sentence). I often know when something isn't right, but the agony of trying to explain it! Sentence fragments are often a pretty big problem, but then I'm informed that "advertisers and writers occasionally use fragments deliberately for a crisp, immediate effect." Hmmm. I read on, "you will also find fragments used intentionally in question form." Well, what do we have here? "By all means, use fragments to achieve a specific effect." Unfortunately, what this author forgot to say is: if you're writing for a grade, make sure the person grading your paper will know that you wrote a sentence fragment. On purpose.
Now on to today's title. I've overused ellipses for over ten years. If you've ever read a letter or an email I've written... you know how true (and understated) this confession is. Well, now... I know why. "Note: Use three dots to indicate a pause in speech or an interruption." Hooray! All these years, instead of using a comma... I've only been trying to show that I'm pausing... those are my "hold on a minute my brain is searching, sorting or interrupting" dots. That's the only argument I have for overusing those tiny little dots. . . yup. . . that's all I've got for today.
The end. (For effect).

fat lip or black eye?

So, in case you forget that children hear far more than you may realize...

After eating with some friends I was asking which of the two bags of chips they would like to keep. One was turned away from me so his response was "eh?" Thinking that I'm being pretty clever I say "fat lip or black eye?" Clever perhaps, but soon my two-year-old says in the saddest whimper "I want black eye"... and then she keeps whining to her daddy "fat-wip fat-wip." So I give her some chips and pray she doesn't say these words to anyone that might report me!

Be ever so careful, small ears may pick up the most!

Ring! Ring!

I did finally get a new ring tone. I'm not so thrilled with my choice. I picked one of my favorite songs called "story" or "the story" by Brandi Carlile. Great song- BUT- when the climax of the song is the start of the ring... the part where she's belting out the words and it's very scratchy... well, I feel like I'm being scolded to answer the phone!

I should have chosen the Veggie Tales Cheeseburger song. I would have smiled instead of jumping when it rang while taking Elseigh to the Doctor on Tuesday. Some days I wouldn't mind having the Wizard of Oz tones--- "If I only had a brain"--- but then my fear would be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy with every phone call!

Oh Really!?

I ran across an interesting article today. I love it when I just happen to glance at something that turns out to be intriguing. Tomorrow, we will have our vice-president stand in as president. Don't worry, it will only be for a few short hours. But in case you haven't heard the reason why... Mr. Bush is going to have a colonoscopy. WoW! It's pretty amazing to think of how powerful a man he is that we are entitled to know when and why this man is going to be sedated.

Honestly, this is not what I found interesting. The historical aspect of this article was much more interesting than the fact that Mr. "Prez W." had polyps in his colon before becoming our leader. Ha! A lot has changed since 1983, when president Grover Cleveland had surgery on his yacht! The article reports that the vice president was not even aware of it!

Well folks, I promise to let you know the next time I undergo anesthesia. And I must confess, it surprised me to realize that the thought of Cheney stepping in as President for more than just a few hours was terrifying.

Here's the link if you're interested. I'd like to note that my spellcheck indicates that colonoscopy is misspelled. Apparently either the NY Times is at fault, or it's not in this database, imagine that!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/21/washington/21bush.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Where has the summer gone? I'm thrilled to announce that I have only 5 more days of summer school! Essentially that means I must wait one week before I will enjoy nearly 3 weeks of summer. I'm struggling to determine if I should be happy or sad. Fortunately I enjoy school enough that if I can afford to buy some new school supplies, I'll be all set when August 16th rolls around. Ugh. I think.

I've enjoyed my statistics class, at least to the extent that I find math enjoyable. However, my intro to teaching course has been far less purposeful. I only hope that my fall courses are somewhat more relevant to my prospective career. Thankfully, we had to read one book, which is probably the most valuable thing I will take away from the class. I read The Courage to Teach by Parker J. Palmer--- there are certainly some "hokey" parts, as I call them, but overall, Palmer brings up some worthwhile points. I'm unsure as to whether it was truly appropriate for a power point presentation, but never mind that.

Today I really wanted to lay in the sun, sip a pina colada, and read some books. Ha! The harder I try to get skin cancer/a tan, the more it rains, Elseigh sleeps for less than 30 minutes, or I have a truck load of homework!!! I suppose later on I will be grateful for a few less sun spots or wrinkles or skin that needs to be removed.

When my husband leaves for Mexico with the youth group, I have BIG plans! No, really! I'm going to visit a friend in big KC! My to-do list includes shopping, going to parks/museums, the zoo, reading, watching movies, and trying to be social!

I finally saw V for Vendetta. It was interesting. In general I liked it and I understood why my Brit-Lit prof continually referred to it. However, there were some very cheesy and dramatically silly/gory and just plain strange parts. The basis of the film was really good. It reminded me that there is a fine line between the freedom to find the truth for yourself and saying that truth is relative. Whenever we as humans try to impose our own truths and beliefs on others in a forceful manner, we are overstepping our bounds. Rarely does anyone benefit from this. Look at the problems that have sprung from attempts at religious conversion throughout history. Trying to make anyone conform to you precisely will not help them, or you. God has always given man freedom. He gave it to us wholly, otherwise He would have stopped Adam and Eve in the garden. God does not require us to love Him, and it is not my job to require others to share my convictions. However, this does not mean that truth is relative, what's right for you is right for you.
God is not offended by our questions. He is bigger than our fears, our doubts, He can stick up for Himself. He is not insecure, which is at least part of the reason He does not withhold from us the freedom of choice, freedom of will. I think everyone in this world is looking for something and I believe with my whole being that Jesus is that something. However, I can only hope, or even pray, that someday others would reach the same conclusion. If God is real, then He will let you know it. And maybe, just maybe, the life I live (not my instructions, not even the words I speak) might help to show how real He is.

Thanks for listening-
Ashley

excuse me

I don't exactly have any central theme for today. It's Father's day, but here at my house, it's been a rather strange one. I'm becoming obsessed with finding a new ring tone. I want something fun, but also something positive--- one that people wouldn't mind hearing at the doctor's office or in line at the grocery store, or one that won't embarrass me at school (should I forget to turn off my ringer) or at church. What's the best ring tone you've ever heard? Sometimes the really funny ones are the spoken ones. There's one called "annoying ring" (I think) and it's hilarious!

I read an article in the newspaper today about a young woman who died from anti-inflammatory cream. This isn't exactly new news, but I was saddened by this tragedy. I'm not exactly a distance runner, but I'm working up my mileage little by little, so I was quite surprised by it. Runner's World doesn't talk about it much in their magazine, if at all, so I'm uncertain of the popularity of these drugs. My husband often complains about his legs aching, so my soon to be doctor of physical therapy friend said he needs to drink OJ after he works out! No Bengay for him, phew! OJ smells much better!

Moving right along. Today at church I was feeling pretty emotional, and not the good kind. But, I was desperately trying to let go and give it all to God, which consisted of me praying pretty much throughout the entire service. At the end of the sermon, our pastor said something that really hit home. I know it was said for me, you know those times when God just says something and it hits a chord in your inmost being--- he said that "God doesn't expect us to be perfect, no one's perfect, you're not and I'm not. God only wants us to live a life worthy of Him. " He also said that, as our pastor, his only focus is not how many of us show up on Sundays or if we follow certain regimens, but only if we are living our lives in a manner worthy of God.

It's funny how hearing the truth from other people is so much more remarkable than telling yourself! I'm also constantly overcome by the fact that God is totally about giving us everything we need, not just physically, but even when it comes to women's (characteristically 'petty') emotions. He alone will continue to speak to us the words we need to hear, and I'm so grateful He never tires in the repetition. And I'm thankful that there was a definite purpose in my hearing this "Father's Day" sermon!

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding to you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of our house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:5-9

Music to my ears?

Just the other day I decided it had been WAY too long since I had put any new tunes on my ipod. After finding a number of awesome songs, I decided to look through the various genres and the most popular songs within them. To my surprise I found a very catchy song! But will you ever believe me that the entire hip-hop tune is about lip gloss? The beat is great and the lyrics are, well, not going to leave a lasting impression, at least not once you have managed to get the song out of your head again! So, if you haven't heard any of "Lip Gloss" by Lil Mama. Go check it out for a laugh, just make sure you're alone. :)

I have this notion that I'm supposed to be perfect. Where, may I ask, did I get this idea? Was this an expectation implanted in my brain at an early age? And how, exactly, did this expectation reach to the level that it has? How is it that instead of doing something or saying something that might not be perfect, I choose to not make a mistake. I readily admit, all too often, this is a much bigger mistake. When did I decide that if I was going to do something that I should do it perfectly?

I also must assert that many people feel God expects humans to strive to be perfect. God wants us to love Him, and to know Him. Greater love for Him and greater knowledge of Him results in an amazing relationship with Him. The outcome of that is we will become more like Him. And yes, God is perfect, but He requirement from us is never perfection, that is our own assertion. Somehow, I can always straighten it out on paper, but in my heart I have jumbled it up once more. I choose not to do something for fear that I will fail. Or I choose not to do another thing because I will not do it as perfectly as I would like.

I choose not to write, or blog because of the immediate exposure. The vulnerability is a heavy weight on my heart. Yet ultimately, I have to come back to the reality that words mean very little in this world, and I admit that I tend to take myself too seriously from time to time.

I am reading a book called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. Wow. This is certainly applicable to me in so many areas of my life and heart right now. Many times throughout the day I need to recognize what really matters, and focus on the one the really matters and trust in Him. I am not at all trying to say that this is the point of the book, but it's the best paraphrase I can get right now, and I haven't picked it up in a few days.

In our technology saturated world, it is dreadfully sad that we need to write out our thoughts just so we'll have them before they're interrupted. I think too many of us never bother to feel half of life because we've rushed through it or turned the channel or hit fast-forward or mute, or turned up our i-pod even louder. Using technology to "get away" is such a cop-out, and one I'm definitely guilty of. What's happened to our brains when we can't even process our feelings without writing them down. Are we emotionally retarded by the media at hand? With the world at our fingertips, who would choose to sort through the agony this life often brings us?

I suppose there's one tiny spot in everyone's world where reality will always surface--- those last few moments of wakefulness. And, YET AGAIN- perhaps this is why we need Ambien or Lunesta. The feelings we supress throughout our wakeful state rise to the surface and we cannot drift off to sleep; we may not accept these emotions, and we may not even have the slightest capability of being able to deal with them. So, who do we call? A friend or pastor, a relative or loved one, a trusted counselor? No, a doctor. Here's your prescription, hope it helps.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against doctors. I'm not even sure I truly have a problem with sleep medicine. However, I do think that we all too often blame our problems on things that are not the culprit. Why? Because it would be easier. It's a lot easier for me to turn on the TV than to really figure out how I'm feeling. It's more convenient for me to ramble on about nothing than to truly listen.

Okay--- enough friends, that may be all the feelings I can muster up right now. Good night.

Today

Once again, I have been entirely absent from the blog world. In case it's not obvious enough, I have a great deal of trouble with being consistant. I have hundreds of goals and aspirations, but rarely the time or energy for half of them. My heart wants to show all my friends and family how much I love them, but the reality is, I often don't.

As this summer begins, I have been faithfully running, which is great for my weight-loss efforts. However, I have also been just as faithful in my consumption of the glorious energy-containing substance we call FOOD. In just a couple of days I will be heading back to school. Ugh. On the one hand I'm releieved, my schedule will once again be jammed full. But at the same time, I know there will be too many things on my to-do lists that will get knocked off the page. This summer, I've made goals for physical fitness, spiritual goals, academic goals and relational goals. So far, they aren't going too bad. Like I said, I have been running regularly. I would love to register for a 5k race in July, but there are so few races in this area! I have not started memorizing any new verses, I need to get with it there. I have been reading this remarkable book/study called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. This is really relative to my life right now, and there is quite a bit to swallow. Academically, I started reading Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy. I haven't made it too far. I read a page or two of The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison but before I knew it, it was due back to the library. Relationally, well, that's going decently with my peer friends and with Jon as well. Super.

I still have such a difficult time blogging here, I think in part because some blogs are so tightly focused. Well folks, that's not me. There are times when my world seems as small as a pea, but most often it comes close to overwhelming me entirely. If it weren't for Jesus, well, I wouldn't be sitting here with the peace I have. There are times when I feel so inadequate, but then I remember that the only confidence I am to have or even need is confidence in God. He is my only security. I beleive there was a verse in my email box the other day about this. Perhaps this is a verse I will memorize this summer.

Ha! I knew when I created this blog that it's title would be so important. Arbitrary- random. Life is full, life is random. Some times its randomness is exhausting, other times exhilirating. The same is true of my thoughts! Sometimes I want to stop thinking, other times I wish I could think all day.

teehee- when I was young I wrote a poem that started with "sometimes..." not funny for me to tell you about, but a funny memory I share with a friend.

Well, this is my world today. I went for a 3-mile jog. Took my daughter to the zoo. Cleaned the kitchen (hard-core cleaning/mopping). Talked on the phone for about 10 minuts. Searched for 5k's in July 4th. Posted this blog. I'm outta here.

Since I didn't speak up in class today

Today in class I actually had a decent observation. But, did I raise my hand ever so slightly to let the teacher know I got what he was saying? No, I let him ramble on. Sure, I waited to see if he would leave a break for anyone else to insert their ideas, but I did not interject mine. As T.S. Eliot's Prufrock would have done, I did "not force the moment to its crisis."
So, today we were discussing T.S. Eliot's "The Wasteland" and it occurred to me that the sight of spring in April is referred to as the cruelest month, not just because April symbolizes life--- but because at the sight of Spring, there is hope, hope that life will be new and not the way it was before, and this is cruel because this hope is barren and life, according to Eliot, was not new, nothing could be trusted in and life is depressing and there is no order, no hope, no Spring in life, not ever.
Unfortunately, I don't think this little thought is enough for me to write another paper over... nor am I sure I want to make the time to develop it. I will confess that I'm sad we didn't cover "Hollow Men," and I may find myself submitting an optional paper because of it.

Why is it that the professors that are the most challenging are those you want most to please? I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that we live up to the expectations set before us or some psychological idea like that. I'm certain this will be very important to me when I am on the other side of the grade book.
I cannot wait for the semester to end so I can at least skim some of the books my professors have cited as I've stared back blankly at them! Heh, of course I've read The Catcher in the Rye, but I don't think I got it... I liked his sarcasm, that's all I remember.
It's late. My brain is scattered... I was supposed to go to sleep early since I didn't join my daughter in her nap. Once again, the joke's on me!

Late Night's Really AREN'T Your Friend

So, despite the fact that I continuously stay up entirely too late nearly every night, it appears I have yet to truly learn my lesson. Of course I was going to go to sleep nearly 3 hours ago (as I say every night), but then it was brought to my attention that x had not been accomplished. Ironically, it didn't occur to me last night that x was my online math assignment and I went to sleep without finishing it.
It's been a really rough week, and I know that there are parts of my heart that I really should be blogging about, but I think most everyone would admit that the energy sucked out of you during times of growth and maturation do not exactly leave an abundance for, well, anything. And, since there's only one person that knows about my blog... I know I won't be disappointing too many people by not staying up later to wake up feeling even more exhausted tomorrow.
I have only a couple more thoughts for now... One- Praise God that the semester of 3 English courses is nearly over!!! Two- Just because your two year old knows how to tell you she's poopy and knows that poop goes into diapers and toilets, doesn't mean she won't poop in her friends bathtub! HAHA- Life is... (at times) poopy like that.

Please Don't Read the Date/Time of Every Entry!

Haha! I know I could have written one really long and scattered blog, but for everyone's sanity, I have broken them up. So, if I wouldn't have titled this blog the way I have, then perhaps no one would have ever noticed. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm still working on the whole "you don't always have to tell everyone everything..." in regards to my boundary issues. But, since this isn't a therapy session (technically,) I think I'll finally move on to what I wanted to say in this blog.

I've been running! HOORAY! In the last 7 days, I have gone jogging 4 times! (I could have said I've gone jogging 3 of the last 4 days... both are great!) Today, I jogged for 3 miles straight. Honestly, it was difficult, but I know that in all areas of life getting through the difficult times are what make the better times that much better, and in some cases easier. It's not what anyone wants to hear when they are going through the crummy valleys in life, but it's the honest truth.

TOPIC CHANGE: I'm actually up late with the intention of writing a thesis statement and some form of an outline on Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. Thankfully, I finally know what I want text I will be writing about. But, I am not completely sure of my exact thesis and direction. Overall I want to argue that this is an exceptional work and the importance of this book in terms of the lessons and insight that can be gleaned from it are exactly why EVERYONE should read it. With that said, I think I might cut, paste and sign off. Good night.

The Weekend is Coming

Easter is just around the corner! I am much more excited about Easter this year than I have been in years past. I think this is in part due to my daughter's ability to participate in some small ways. Last week in Sunday school she was taught "Jesus is alive" which actually sounds like "Dezuh Wive" or at times "Jesus" reminds me of "Pizza" instead, mostly we just listen for the "wive" part and then we understand. So, ever since then, I've enjoyed talking to her about Jesus and that Easter is coming. She has a book about the colors in the Easter basket representing different aspect of Easter, and I've enjoyed reading it to her because she knows most of the colors well enough that she will point to the object that is the color we are reading about. AND, this year, for Easter we will give her her very first Bible!

O What A Day

It's dreadful to be one of those people that really need deadlines. I often have great intentions to make time for blogging, but... it doesn't happen. I'm thrilled that the one person I've confided in (as to starting a blog) has continued to check in on me, and I'm simultaneously releived that I have not shared this fact with too many others.
I suppose the day will come when I will log on and actually write about my experiences and thoughts for the day, rather than merely offering some guilt-ridden explanation for having neglected this creation.
I had my wisdom teeth removed. Ouch!--What's worse is that I only had 2 to take out! As if the pain from surgery weren't enough, I was fortunate enough to experience a DRY SOCKET! When people tell you they HURT, they aren't kidding! I'm certain it didn't hurt worse than a kidney stone, and it might not have been as bad as back-labor (with an 9 lb baby,) but I would have rather gone through birthing another child than to have had a dry socket. What people forget to tell you when they say "oh man, those suck" is that they "suck" for at least a week!!! And if you go to your surgeon for "treatment" (which actually consists of stuffing the hole in your jaw with a string soaked in some rancid, bitter-clove tasting medicine) you have to keep seeing him every other day to switch out the "dressings!" But it doesn't matter how awful it tastes or that you have to drive to the other side of town when he's at the "East" office, because you can think, and you're pain is reduced to such a small amount that you literally FEEL human again! It's phenomenal!
Phew--- the days of dry socket are somewhat fading, although now I have the pleasure of sticking a syringe in the hole in my jaw and flushing it with water after each meal! This sure has cut down on my calorie-consumption far more than the actual teeth extractions ever did!

I'm still here

So despite my initial enthusiasm for this blog, life got took hold of me and it appeared as though it would never let go. But with the onset of Spring Break, aha! I have broken free! Now, my only task is try to recover from brain/life overload! I fear that I have forgotten what the purpose of my blog really is, but I'm sure in time, it will present itself. It's nice that so many blogs have such a narrow focus. Perhaps this is only possible when people have multiple blogs, or maybe they have concise, focused lives. How boring!
I'm actually very surprised at how intimidating it is to write a blog, being an English Education major. With this in mind, I must remind myself that this is exactly why I need to write a blog: to improve my writing, vocabulary, and especially to work on my grammar! I laugh at myself when I think of how silly this is to the common reader, but it's just how I am. I have a particular professor who seems to feel I use too many explicit words, and he's probably right. But you see, to me, it just seems like more words must be better, more words will certainly not cloud the meaning of my sentences. He wrote on a paper of mine about when writers "befuddle their readers" and the reader has to re-read something, they have failed in their writing. Ouch--but well said professor!
Spring Break is here and I have merely 3 goals (and a few more minor things to focus on): one, to see all the people that I have planned on seeing before I have my wisdom teeth removed, read Frankentstein, and to use my extractions to lose a few pounds before next week's weigh-in. Ever since Jon and I have joined Weight Watchers, we have done fairly well at losing weight each week. I'm hoping that since most my girlfriend's and I will be going out to eat to "catch up" on things, that the weight I gain from those festive times will melt off when I can't eat! Let's cross our fingers on this!
My daughter and I took a nap this afternoon. I slept for nearly 2 hours and she is still sleeping after nearly 3.5 hours! No wonder she's been less than angelic!
Since I really have nothing left in my brain to discuss intellegently, I think I will head over to some other blogs and enjoy someone else's life.

My Emergence Into BLOG WORLD

So, here I am. I've been contemplating the start of this blog for quite some time. Yet, somehow I know very little about this entire blog-world. It's as though I'm straining for my first breath. I have no idea what I'm getting myself into... Well, I certainly have some ideas. I hope to have time to add more later, but for now I must leave. WOW! I feel like a 6 year old that just received a new puppy! HA! Let's see how many nights I'm up blogging (perhaps FAR beyond the new puppy owner.)